TORONTO – Following the Ford government’s announcement that Ontario schools will revert back to the 1998 sex-ed curriculum, polls indicate the decision has been well received by the province’s registered sex offenders.
Polling data suggests nearly 90% of sex offenders support the measure, including 85% support among peeping toms, 93% among creepy neighbours, and a whopping 98% support from Catholic priests who get moved to a new Parish every 18 months.
“Children don’t need to know about consent,” said Ontario resident Alan Smith, who is not allowed to visit parks, schools or daycares. “There’s no need for them to to worry their pretty, pretty little heads about it.”
“It’s about parents’ rights,” suggested Steve Johnson, whose van has drapes on the windows. “If parents don’t want their children to be warned about middle-aged men who catfish young girls by pretending to be a teen youtube star on snapchat, that’s their right.”
The curriculum change is also polling well with awkward elementary school gym teachers, pharmaceutical companies that specialize in gonorrhea treatments and the kid whose knowledge of what ‘fingering’ means is about to make him the coolest guy in school.
