TORONTO, ON – Liberal Party leader Kathleen Wynne announced this week that she has finished writing “the best draft yet” of her concession speech for the upcoming Provincial election.
“Normally politicians prepare two speeches in advance of an election, to cover both a win or loss scenario,” said Wynne’s head advisor John Bayley. ”But in Kathleen’s case, she is so plainly despised by voters that it only made sense to focus all her energies into one fabulous speech about losing.”
As an incumbent candidate, Wynne dipped into public funds to polish her speech, sparing no expense on high-profile consultants and copy editors. “I’ve already tripled the budget I was allotted,” admitted Wynne. “But I wanted to go out how I came in: spending public funds wastefully.”
Wynne has poured hours into studying famous concession speeches from former candidates such as Al Gore, Hillary Clinton, and even Jimmy Carter, who she noted, “Lost as brutally to Ronald Reagan as I’m about to lose to Doug Ford.”
The extra time and effort has yielded what Wynne promises will be the most well-crafted concession speech in the history of Canadian politics, which will hopefully replace her reputation as an awful Premier with that of a classy and gracious loser. “This is the speech Ontarians need to boldly lead them into the future where I am no longer Premier,” said Wynne.
When asked about his speech, Doug Ford declined to provide details, but guaranteed it would be delivered at a barbecue.
