TORONTO – Citing the increasing cost of housing and a higher population density, the Toronto Zoo has announced that they will be tearing down all exhibits to make space for three high-rise animal condominiums.
“We believe that this is the best way to house our animals moving forward,” said Paul Ainslie, vice chair of the Toronto Zoo. “Sure, animals need space, but it turns out your real estate dollar goes a lot farther in the Serengeti than it does in the most expensive city in Canada. They’ll just have to make do.”
Zoo officials are aiming to have the condos completed by 2022 meaning that, until then, the zoo’s 5,000 vertebrates and invertebrates will have to find rental properties elsewhere in the GTA.
“The meerkats are taking a basement apartment and splitting the rent 36 ways. The water buffalo found a nice spot in the Annex and is subletting his koi pond to the piranhas,” said Ainslie. “Plus he already charges rent to those little birds who clean him. I think that crafty ungulate is actually making money on this deal.”
However, not all of the zoo’s soon-to-be condo dwellers are excited about the changeover. Ainslie has already had to field complaints from several species used to more space, including the giraffes and cheetahs. The city is also being sued by the representative for a kangaroo that suffered a concussion while touring the low-ceilinged presentation unit.
“We’re confident these concerns will be addressed,” said Ainslie. “And, to be clear, there is nothing to the rumours that 30% of these condos are being bought by invasive species.”
This announcement comes in part as a response to wealthy Torontonians refusing to open up their backyards to publicly subsidized bird-housing.
