OTTAWA – It’s the end of another parliamentary session, and that means the Members of the Canadian House of Commons are ready to eat, drink and cut loose at the traditional end of session semi-formal.
“Yeah, it’s no big deal,” says NDP leader Thomas Mulcair. “I mean, if you ask someone and they say no, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It just means they maybe like someone else more. Or a couple of someones. And it wasn’t even a no, it was a ‘if my first two options fall through, maybe.’ So it’s cool. I’m cool. Totes cool.”
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who has reneged on his promise to abolish first-past-the-post voting for Dance King and Queen in favour of a weighted ballot, is the odds-on favourite to win Dance King for the seventh year in a row. Former Conservative Party Leader Rona Ambrose is expected to sweep the Dance Queen category because, as one MP we spoke to put it, “a woman in politics is never more popular than after she’s quit.”
“It can get pretty competitive, finding the right date, picking the right outfit,” Elizabeth May explains. “A lot of the conformists are really into it. That’s why I throw a super low-key Anti-Formal on the same night every year, you know, for me and the independents. A few select NDP and Liberals are also invited. It’s very mellow. We just want to chill and talk about, like, art and wine and the devastating effects of climate change.”
Members of the Senate of Canada will not be chaperoning the dance this year. The senators, once expected to provide the sober second thought the MPs rely on to keep from getting too rowdy, have caused so much damage to the venue with their own behaviour that they’ve been banned this year. “They’ll probably just show up anyway, because OMG, those people are like soooo hard to get rid of,” one NDP MP complained.
The Governor General will now be in charge of supervising the dance, keeping the MPs from spiking the punch bowl or deciding to add dental and prescription drugs to the Canadian Health Act.
