TORONTO – In a heartwarming story that has touched Canadians coast to coast, TV personality Rick Mercer announced that he has finally moved out of the iconic alley he once called home.
“It just goes to show,” said Mercer, “If you work hard and save your pennies, even a comedy show host can make it in this country.”
The announcement marks a turning point for the CBC host. He has long been known to viewers as a genuine man of the people, who would invite them into his alley home, weekly, and give his take on the events of the day. His take-no-prisoners rant style and outdoor residence earned him the title of Canada’s answer to Oscar the Grouch. This Monday, however, Rick will be putting that all behind him as he enters the next chapter in his life: that of a homed man.
“I’ve had a lot of good times in this alley,” said Mercer, picking up a box labeled ‘DVDs’ from behind a dumpster and loading it into a UHaul. “It was great working from home all these years. But I’m getting older now, and these weary bones long for a roof and a toilet to call my own. Frankly, I should’ve done this years ago.”
Fan reaction has been mixed. RMR viewer Dave Mackie, sees the move as a betrayal. ”I’ve been a Rickhead since the 22 Minutes days,” he said. “The whole reason people watch is because they know he lives in an alley. It’s authentic. If he doesn’t live there anymore, what’s the point?”
Those in the industry, however, have had universally positive reactions. “Huh, looks like Rick really got his ducks in a row this time,” said fellow CBC host Ron MacLean, while taking a long drink of water from a hose. “If he can do it… maybe one day I’ll move out of [Don] Cherry’s tool shed.”
After packing his UHaul and bidding farewell to Rex Murphy, Mercer grew visibly emotional as a raccoon approached him. “Aw, Bandit, I told you. You can’t follow me this time.” said Mercer, choking back tears. “Now go on, get! Get outta here!”
Mercer was stoically silent for the rest of the move.
Upon entering his apartment for the first time, Mercer put down his bag and took a deep breath. He then paced around his living room for eight minutes, making acerbic points about Prime Minister Trudeau’s failure to enact electoral reform. “Yeah.” he said afterward. “I think I’m gonna like it here.”
