Feds approve controversial maple syrup pipeline - The Beaverton

Feds approve controversial maple syrup pipeline

OTTAWA – Despite drawing criticism for considerable construction costs and possible environmental damage, the Government has given the go ahead to a linking producing regions of Quebec and Eastern Ontario with the southern United States.

“A break in the pipeline could be catastrophic,” said environmental advocate Kate Popowich. “Everything would be all sticky. You know how when you eat pancakes sometimes your fingers get stuck together? Imagine that, but with like a thousand pelicans.”

“There is simply no economic benefit to this pipeline that outweighs the repercussions of having to lick syrup off millions of wildlife creatures,” added Popowich.

Many critics also point to the risk of pancake runoff and the long term effects of sugar sediments in the land, which will make the soil more sweet and attract wildlife that cannot survive on high-sugar diets.

“What about attacks on the pipeline from larger animals desperate to get their hands on the syrup, like bears?” asked protester Duane Foster.

However a Liberal party spokesman was quick to respond to this point. “Everyone knows bears like honey, not syrup,” said PMO staffer Caleb Johnston.

The $4.7-billion pipeline would transport roughly 10-million litres (2 640 000 US gallons) of crude maple syrup from Quebec sap sands across the border, almost enough to cover an average American family of four’s weekly syrup needs.

The U.S. government has yet to give final approval to the project. However at press time Donald Trump was sitting behind a short stack of pancakes and licking his lips.