TALLAHASSEE, FL – A groundbreaking new research study released by a team of all male scientists has revealed that nudity, long considered taboo and shameful, is actually “quite awesome.”
The study, headed by a team of three male scientists from Florida State University – Dr. Richard Chazz, Dr. Elton Julio, Dr. Gary Silversmith – bases its findings on several months’ worth of field research, performed using various control factors and screening methods. The study’s results suggest people should incorporate more “sweet-ass” nudity into their lifestyle.
“When you look at all the data we’ve accumulated in the last half year, there’s really no denying that nudity is one of the best things humankind has going for itself right now,” said Dr. Chazz, the 27-year-old head of research on the nudity study.
“Our research indicates that the human figure in its nude form is attached to a number of wicked physiological reactions, and when combined with other sensory experiences, the ‘wowza’ factor can easily triple in size. I’m talking about faster heart rate, greater blood flow to uh…certain regions, and an increased willingness to take the naked female subjects out to dinner.”
According to the study, the ‘bitchin’ health benefits of nudity are enhanced by certain one-on-one or two-on-one activities, which can lead to improved cardiovascular health, boost immunity, reduce the risk of cancer, and make an otherwise pointless existence worth living.
“Though we’ve really only scratched the surface with this study, the findings are clear that nudity is safe and should be used in large doses on a very regular basis,” reads the study in part.
The scientists involved in the study began their nudity research with extensive analysis of historical paintings, moving to magazine and Internet photography, and finally recruiting live subjects, all of which they say was “totally sexy work that could benefit from more funding.”
“The more research we did, the sicker it all got,” explained Dr. Julio. “At one point, we had several hundred test subjects coming in one after the other and removing their clothes, and, well, the photography speaks for itself.”
Yet, not all nudity is awesome.
The researchers conceded that some types of nudity, specifically male nudity, were less awesome than others, and that there were many variables that played a part in how awesome nudity can be.
“There’s definitely some nudity that isn’t all that awesome,” Dr. Julio said. “Though we admit that it depends on whether the dude is gay.”
