TORONTO – Several months after leading the Raptors to their first NBA title Kawhi Leonard has returned to Toronto, so naturally has marked his return to the city by spending the afternoon a…
Tag: ttc
Study: Lining up to exit subway car on wrong side most embarrassing thing a Torontonian can do
TORONTO – A conclusive study by the University of Toronto has found that trying to exit the subway via doors that are not on the same side as the platform is just about the most humiliating…
Everyone on subway trying not to pet seeing eye dog
TORONTO – A tense standoff is currently taking place on a TTC subway car between its passengers and a guide dog that everyone is desperately trying not to touch. “I’m terrified I’m actually going…
Doug Ford announces new Toronto subway lines, cancels them before end of conference
TORONTO — Speaking to reporters, Ontario premier Doug Ford cancelled the city’s plans for a downtown relief subway line before announcing his own “Ontario Line” subway, which he also then p…
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…
Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make
MONTREAL – Following a long history of faulty products and broken contracts Quebec manufacturer Bombardier has missed a deadline for a train they were never contracted to make. “Our deepest…
Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow
TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Cana…
If re-elected, Tory promises to increase flooding until Toronto a gondola-filled Venice of the North
TORONTO – With the mayoral election less than a month away, John Tory is running on his record of turning Toronto into a stormwater-flooded city of breathtaking waterways. “Imagine it,” sai…
TTC bus driver really wants you to know he’s having a great fucking day
TORONTO – At approximately 8:10 this morning, TTC bus driver Mick ‘Micky’ Dorland made an impromptu announcement to an overcrowded bus, letting them know that he’s “feelin’ fine”. “To be honest, …