TORONTO – For years Connor McDavid has been seen as the fastest force in hockey but now insiders are wondering whether he has been bested by a new competitor: the sponsors getting away from…
Tag: Tim Hortons
Tim Hortons announces plan to branch out into coffee, doughnut markets
OAKVILLE, ON ― In the face of stiff competition, Tim Hortons, the iconic Brazilian chili, ice cream, and TimBieb-brand clothing chain, announced a revolutionary plan to turn their focus to classi…
Roll up the Rim is back and so is the threat of nuclear winter!
VANCOUVER, BC – Canadians are in for a treat this week with the return of two beloved national pastimes: Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim contest – and also worrying about the devastating outco…
Tim Hortons confirms that only vaccinated employees will be allowed to spit into the Iced Capp machine
LEDUC – As part of ongoing pandemic response measures, national coffee chain Tim Hortons has confirmed that employees will not be allowed to spit into the Iced Capp machine until they’ve ha…
Tim Hortons insists Canada is just one more flavoured Iced Capp away from having a unique cultural identity
TORONTO – The national coffee chain Tim Hortons ended decades of academic and political turmoil this past weekend when it declared that Canada is just one or two more flavoured Iced Capps a…
Erin O’Toole reverses position he hasn’t announced yet
OTTAWA – In the wake of changing his position on abortion, guns and the carbon tax, Erin O’Toole has also announced that he no longer plans to sell corporate naming rights to all of …
Canada to distribute remaining vaccines through “Roll up the Rim to Win” contest
OTTAWA – After encountering difficulties with early vaccine rollouts, the Government of Canada has announced that it plans to distribute all remaining vaccines through a Tim Hortons “Roll U…
Tim Hortons egg sandwich now official sponsor of Premier Ford’s pandemic press conferences
TORONTO – Tim Hortons and the Ontario government have signed a sponsorship deal to promote the chain’s egg sandwich and other items at provincial press conference related to the pandemic. P…
Hastily drawn Tim Hortons Smile Cookie pleads for death at hand of cruel creator
COBURG, ON – With the end of Tim Hortons Smile Cookie Week approaching, one cookie in particular cried out for the sweet release of death after being drawn quickly by an employee during the…
Face masks replaces Tim Hortons cups as Canada’s preferred public litter
Move over discarded double-double! The face mask is now Canada’s favourite source of roadside trash. The rubbish race is on as the once beloved plastic-lined cup is being replaced with millions o…
