SAN FRANCISCO – After decades of unresolved police investigations, the notorious Zodiac Killer, who terrorized Northern California in the late 1960s, has been identified as some friggin’ du…
Tag: Ted Cruz
Ted Cruz latest Canadian politician caught fleeing to Mexico
Cancun, Mexico – Ted Cruz has joined the ranks of other Canadian politicians fleeing the country when things get rough. The Canadian politician, who is an avid denier of climate change, fle…
Report: Every day that Ted Cruz does not like a porn tweet now feels boring by comparison
Luke and the Panel (Andrew Ivimey, Cathryn Naiker and Sebastian Fazio) break down why the Ted Cruz porn story is the greatest news story of the year so far (2:00), debunk the ‘unnamed staff…
Portraits of Canadiocity: Ted Cruz
Ted Cruz: the least Canadian Canadian?…
Ted Cruz raptured early
INDIANAPOLIS — Following a fierce primary battle, Senator Ted Cruz was rewarded for his staunch support of anti-abortion, anti-immigrant and anti-gay policies by being lifted away from worl…
Carly Fiorina instantly drives Cruz campaign into bankruptcy
WASHINGTON, DC — Republican primary candidate Ted Cruz announced yesterday that he will name fired Hewlett Packard C.E.O. Carly Fiorina as his running mate, moments before she drove his cam…
Cruz, Kasich announce joint plan to go back in time to stop Donald Trump from being born
WASHINGTON, D.C. — GOP Presidential Candidates Ted (“Teddy”) Cruz and John (“Johnny”) Kasich have announced that they will put aside their differences in order to travel back in time and st…
Ted Cruz: No woman should be punished for getting an abortion before she goes to hell
MADISON — GOP candidate Ted Cruz has condemned Donald Trump’s recent statements that women who have abortions should face legal penalties, and emphasized that no woman should be punished for this…
Fiorina endorses Cruz in blatant act of sabotage
MIAMI – Speaking at a campaign rally in Florida this week, former GOP presidential candidate Carly Fiorina endorsed Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex) for the party’s nomination, in what experts are calling “…
Ted Cruz caught Google searching “How to move back to Canada” in wake of Super Tuesday results
HOUSTON, TEXAS — Following Donald Trump’s grab in yesterday’s Super Tuesday primaries, Texas Senator and Republican presidential contender Ted Cruz accidentally revealed his interest in imm…