CALGARY – The unprecedented finding in a recent scientific publication about the ingestion of arachnids by humans was discovered to be fundamentally flawed due to the inclusion of a well-known lu…
Tag: study
REPORT: Ignoring suffering of others linked to optimism
CALGARY, AB – A recent study out of the University of Alberta has come to the startling conclusion that ignoring the suffering of others is linked to having an optimistic view of life. When…
Good night’s sleep allows woman to be more present in her shitty life
HAMILTON, ON – The secret to being fully present in your miserable existence? Local life coach, June Funda, says it’s all about prioritizing a good night’s sleep. “It’s hard to focus on how ever…
Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus. The…
Study finds most criminals die without ever pulling off one last job
TORONTO – A recent study from the University of Toronto has confirmed that the majority of career criminals die without ever completing one last heist. “This ground-breaking study followed …
Study finds strong correlation between playing loud music in public and having terrible taste in music
BERLIN ― New research from the Berlin University of the Arts has revealed that those with the greatest tendency to play music at maximum volume on subways, in college dorms, and while biking thro…
Study: 80% of boomer advice just ‘suck it up buttercup’
HALIFAX – A recent study revealed that 80% of boomer advice is just the phrase “Suck it up, Buttercup.” Conducted over the last five years, the study found that the advice was applied no ma…
Anti-vaxxer demands you produce a single study showing mRNA vaccines are safe – no not that one
TORONTO – Clayton Bach, a local man who believes that the Pfizer and Moderna COVID vaccines are incredibly dangerous has demanded you produce a single study showing they are safe, but not t…
Study: Every winter Canadians complain that every winter Canadians complain about the winter
OTTAWA – A new study has found that, for every three complaints expressed about winter, one complaint has been made about said complaints. “It’s like it’s their first winter ever!” said one…