J.K. Rowling is, by any metric, one of the most successful people on Earth. Her net worth is estimated at a billion dollars, her books have sold half a billion copies, and Harry Potter is one of …
Tag: power
Designated driver drunk on power
Phelpston, ON – After an hour at Gabe Newton’s 23rd Birthday Bash designated driver Mark Lougheed, drunk on power, has decreed that he is ready to leave and has decided that all those he br…
Scientists discover renewable energy source in mediocre white men’s confidence
VANCOUVER, BC – Hundreds of years of privilege has transformed white male confidence into a pure, clean burning source of fuel, according to a study published by the University of British C…
My mom is the strongest woman I know besides Gargantua The Mighty
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I appreciated my mother. Growing up, there were many times I wished she would lighten up and not be so strict with me and my siblings. But that was before I…
Local megalomaniac withholds “like” from Facebook acquaintance
MONTREAL — This past Sunday afternoon, local maniac Sherman Argyle flaunted his mighty influence by refusing to like the photo of a Facebook acquaintance. Reports show that Argyle, drunk with pow…
Local man’s hydro bill cut in half after agreeing to store nuclear waste at his house
KINCARDINE, ON – Finding no other suitable options, Ontario Power Generation has offered to pay 50% of local man, Fred MacKenzie’s, electricity bill as long as they’re able to keep waste fr…