VANCOUVER, BC — Researchers at University of British Columbia have confirmed the theory that watching an in-flight movie from four rows behind makes it 10x better. “It’s an age-old question that …
Tag: movies
Oscars present lifetime achievement award to toxic masculinity
LOS ANGELES- The Academy presented their prestigious lifetime achievement award last night to veteran of filmmaking and perennial awards season favourite, toxic masculinity. Recognized by fans an…
Man who “can’t relate” to Turning Red loves Star Wars
TORONTO – Local man Terrance Matthews has reported to his friends that he couldn’t relate to Turning Red’s main character while still deeply relating to Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. “The…
Movie Review: Is seeing The Matrix Resurrections worth contracting Omicron? We don’t know, none of us were willing to find out
NOTE: This review contains spoilers for The Matrix Resurrections trailers but not the movie, since no one at the Beaverton has seen it because have you read the most recent COVID numbers? Jesus. …
Local man gets sexy little tingle from pointing out shots that were in trailer but not movie
VAUGHAN, ON – Local accountant Shawn Kronbach recently revealed that he feels a sexy spine tingle every time he tells someone about shots that were in the film trailer but not in the film i…
Ontario movie theatres reopen just in time for sweaty hand job season
SCARBOROUGH – Ontario is rejoicing as the province moves into stage three, seeing the return of indoor dining, casinos, and perhaps the most anticipated, movie theatres making a triumphant …
