GUELPH, ON – With the campaign for the Premiership of Ontario now well underway, Ontario Green Party leader Mike Schreiner revealed that he is still undecided as to which party will earn h…
Tag: guelph
Girlfriend scientists find 99% of food too spicy
GUELPH, ON – Research done by girlfriend scientists at the University of Guelph has uncovered that nearly all food is far too hot and/or spicy. The study involved the tasting of hundreds of…
Local man successfully avoids saying anything controversial about Israel-Palestine situation
GUELPH, ON – Against all odds local man Jack Whitehall has managed to engage in a carefully nuanced discussion of the current strife between Israel and Palestine without saying anything tha…
Local woman concerned Thai coup could endanger lives, upcoming vacations
GUELPH, ON – In the wake of a military coup d’etat in Thailand that has thrown the country into chaos as protesters and soldiers do battle in the streets, local woman Steffanie Bruner has a…
University of Guelph: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: University of Guelph Nickname: Ol’ MacDonald had a University. Motto: “We take field trips literally” History: Well shoot, if it ain’t a whole pack of university-bound rascals lookin’ for s…
Man with sweaty back mourns arrival of summer
GUELPH, ON – The onset of warm weather has left local man Jake Blume completely unable to go out in public without sweating through his clothes. “Great, now I get to spend four months of my…
Local boyfriend apartment rapidly turning into local girlfriend apartment
GUELPH, ON – Area boyfriend and apartment dweller Jonny Terefenko, 26, recently noticed that over half of the items in his apartment of fours years currently belong to his girlfriend of les…
Ex-girlfriends reunites with ex-boyfriend using emoticons
GUELPH, ON – A failed relationship was given another chance late last night when three emoticons were used symbolically during an instant messaging conversation. Following a three hour on-line ch…
Girlfriend breaks up with boyfriend using emoticons
GUELPH, ON – An eight week relationship ended abruptly last Sunday evening when three emoticons were used symbolically during an instant messaging conversation. Following a two hour on-line…