OAKLAND, CA – US President Donald Trump has issued trade sanctions against all of Canada’s three-pointers. The President applied Section 232 Trade Expansion Act which slapped a one-point fi…
Tag: Featured Post
Report: Laptop tired of staying up until 3am every night
TORONTO – According to reports, Stephanie McGrath’s laptop simply can’t keep up with her late nights, most often consisting of google searches such as “Tilda Swinton how old” and Buzzfeed q…
Man who waited in line for three days to get into Jurassic Park horrified to discover he can just watch game at home
TORONTO – Local man Jerome Dobbins, who has been waiting in line to get into Toronto’s famed Raptors viewing party square since Saturday at 9am, was shocked and quite frankly furious to dis…
Unimaginative Alice in Wonderland School play contains total lack of psychedelic drugs
Whitby, ON – A production of Alice in Wonderland staged at P.L. Thomas Elementary School has reportedly disappointed many audience members due to the directors and cast’s unfortunate failure to e…
Take it from me, an opinion columnist with no expertise, the MMIWG Commission’s use of the term genocide is wrong
By: Hubert Anderson I hate to be the one to say it, because I consider myself a long time supporter of indigenous Canadians. But in my opinion the claim in the MMIWG Final Report that the deaths …
Ottawa residents spontaneously construct trailer park after third tornado
OTTAWA – Locals from the Ottawa-Gatineau area have spontaneously constructed an extensive trailer park to fit its new role as Canada’s tornado alley. Over 200 mobile homes and trailers have…
Modern-day Nazi hunter thought job would be harder
VANCOUVER – Modern day Nazi hunter Jim Smith has confirmed to reporters that he honestly thought his job would take a lot more effort in 2019. Smith, who joins a long tradition of committed activ…
Ford announces cut to planned cuts, maintains future cuts will not be cut
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that the retroactive cuts he had previously announced to municipal budgets have been cut, but that the future cuts are uncut. “We have cut …
Other famous political assassinations by milkshakes
With the recent murder of Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage by milkshake, the dangerous dairy beverage has been a popular weapon of choice for political assassins throughout history. Here are some…
Worst American pardons fourth-worst Canadian
TORONTO – Canada’s fourth-worst person, Conrad Black, is celebrating alone after receiving a pardon from America’s worst individual, their president. “If being the worst is a crime,” Trump told r…
