TORONTO – Last week, Ontario premier Doug Ford announced that his administration is committed to bringing the COVID-19 situation under control by no later than the 7th major spike in cases.…
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Local libertarian unsure of what this has to do with the age of consent
HAMILTON, ONTARIO – Local libertarian Charles Whorley reportedly interjected into a public conversation about vegetables and produce today, confused as to what the subject matter had to do …
Nation shocked after Biden able to undo all four hours of work Trump did as President
Washington, D.C. – Americans are flabbergasted after President Biden within only two weeks was able to undo all four hours of work Trump completed while in office. “I thought it would take …
OPINION: I didn’t even want to go outside until the government told me not to
By: Pierre Gagnon, Montreal resident As a wave of new lockdowns and curfews hit Canadians once more, I find myself resigned to living, working, and existing solely in my apartment. In the past, I…
Trudeau frustrated that now he has to govern rather than just look good in comparison
OTTAWA – Aides report that, in the light of Joe Biden becoming president of the United States, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is growing frustrated that he is now expected to actually govern…
Financial sector aghast the poors are gaming system designed to be gamed by the rich
WALL STREET – A group of Redditors have bankrupted a hedge fund by betting on GameStop stock and the financial industry is furious and frightened by the fact that this shock to the markets …
Leafs finally discover key to success: not being in same division as Boston
TORONTO – Having started the 2021 NHL season with a record of 6-2 the ever disappointing Toronto Maple Leafs believe they have finally found what works for them: no longer having to play th…
Ford confident dead Ontarians would’ve been much happier seeing COVID funding used to balance his budget
QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario sitting on $6.4 billion in unallocated pandemic-relief funds, more than any other province, Premier Doug Ford assured Ontarians that using those funds to balance…
New Harry Potter TV show will only go ahead if J.K. Rowling can personally inspect the genitals of everyone involved
LOS ANGELES – A new live-action Harry Potter television show is reportedly in very early development at HBO Max, and while no producers, directors, writers or actors have yet been attached,…
Trudeau: If Liberals vetted people before giving them powerful jobs, I’d never have become Prime Minister
OTTAWA – Under fire for not properly vetting Julie Payette before selecting her as Canada’s Governor General, Justin Trudeau pointed out today that too much vetting can actually be a …
