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Tag: Dumb Week
Pizza Pizza gives man diarrhea diarrhea
TORONTO – Local jeweler Jason Jackson has eaten a bad Pizza Pizza pizza, according to cub cuisine columnist Ms. Chris Swiss. “I work all the time, and then I had to work overtime, so I just want…
Hawk two-ah! Meet Sam, the peregrine falcon who can count to two
MONCTON – New Brunswick finally has a resident who has mastered the art of counting to two – presumably without using their wings. When Sam, a two-year-old peregrine falcon, was rescu…
Cheetos factory explosion insensitively categorized as dangerously cheesy
CONNECTICUT – A devastating explosion at Frito-Lays’ Cheetos factory last Thursday – which has left 82 wounded and 27 still missing – was insensitively categorized as a level “d…
Swifties not even that fast
SAINT-LOUIS-DU-HA!-HA!, QC – Taylor Swift fans – or colloquially known as “swifties” – are reportedly not as fast as their name suggests. “9 mins a kilometer” states anthropolog…
Our rankings of this year’s Best and Worst Grandmas
With the year almost at an end, join as we rate the best and worst grams, grammys, gam-gams, and gamilgans on display over the past 12 months: 1) BEST – Gramma Bess What an absolute ch…
Breakout star of reality show based at “The Nanny” action-figure factory says “I’m not here to make Frans”
NEW YORK CITY – Fans of the new series Nanny Knickknacks, which focuses on the high-pressure drama at Brooklyn’s premier factory for manufacturing action figures based on the hit sitcom The…
Woman neglects to say “be careful,” resulting in boyfriend bumbling into active volcano
BRANDON, MB — Local girlfriend Teresa Waldner failed to remind boyfriend Todd Derksen to be careful yesterday, resulting in his bumbling straight into the mouth of an erupting volcano. “Oh, god,…
Checked luggage takes year off to travel
WARSAW, POLAND – A piece of checked luggage on a recent domestic Canadian flight has decided to take the year off to travel. “Ever since I came out of the closet last week, I’ve felt this urge to…