OTTAWA – Canadian right-wingers have announced a brief break from the usual “we cannot live in fear” rhetoric for their new slogan “COVID is very scary and so an election is super dangerous…
Tag: COVID
Anti-vaxxer demands you produce a single study showing mRNA vaccines are safe – no not that one
TORONTO – Clayton Bach, a local man who believes that the Pfizer and Moderna COVID vaccines are incredibly dangerous has demanded you produce a single study showing they are safe, but not t…
I’m not an anti-vaxxer, I’m just refusing to get a life-saving vaccine during a global pandemic
By: Lyle Vucevic Every time the media describes the thousands of unvaccinated Canadians they talk about us like we are all absurd granola crunching hippies or right-wing Qanon truthers. And frank…
Conservatives outraged by new requirement of “a passport” to travel
OTTAWA – Canadian conservatives are throwing heavy criticism at the federal government for mandating passports for international travel. “What a terrible inconvenience our government has in…
Quebec man who supported banning hijabs thinks vaccine passports are a violation of his personal freedom
MONTREAL – Local man Michelle Savard, who thinks Bill 21 did not go far enough to prevent Muslim women and other religious minorities from dressing how they choose, believes that the recent…
Andrea Horwath announces bold plan to never, ever, ever become premier
TORONTO – Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath announced that she would oppose mandatory COVID vaccinations for teachers, yet another plank in her expansive new plan to never become Ontario’s …
Delta variant excited to vote for Maxime Bernier
North Bay, ON – While making a pre-election tour in communities as far away from non-white Canadians as possible, Maxime Bernier gained an early endorsement when the Covid Delta variant exp…
Meet the unvaccinated: This 33 year old mom is a real fucking idiot
With about 10% of the population saying they will not get vaccinated against the deadly COVID-19 virus, we here at The Beaverton have decided to follow every other media outlet in Canada and do o…
Alberta relaxes COVID precautions, demands Trudeau build them a COVID pipeline for exports
EDMONTON – After announcing the removal of most COVID protocols despite rising case numbers, Alberta has publicly called on Ottawa to build them a pipeline expressly for exporting the virus…
Ford warns Ontario he’s not finished with term yet
QUEEN’S PARK – Despite continuously improving COVID numbers, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has put the province on notice not to let their guard down, as he currently remains in office. “…