TORONTO – Premiere Ford has clarified that Ontario will not be introducing mandatory paid sick leave as he does not want to reinforce the harmful idea that hourly and frontline workers are …
Tag: COVID
“That oughta do it” says Ford after requiring Costco to close an hour early
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is said to be confident that the COVID pandemic is basically over now that Costco and the LCBO have to close a bit earlier than before. “I think we’re ou…
O’ Toole clarifies only criminals in prison shouldn’t be vaccinated; Criminals in government still good to get theirs
BOWMANVILLE- After receiving backlash for his tweet that criminals should not be inoculated with the COVID vaccine before health care and front line workers, Leader of the Conservative Party of C…
Conservative, Liberal, NDP politicians find common ground over thinking they’re better than the rest of us
OTTAWA – After years of partisan rancour and division, federal and provincial politicians from the three major parties have finally found an issue they agree: lecturing Canadians to stay ho…
Doug Ford promotes trickle-down approach to vaccine distribution
TORONTO – As he took a photo op with people receiving their second dose of the COVID vaccine while thousands of other doses sit in freezers, Ontario Premier Doug Ford maintained his governm…
2020: The year we all became incels
OTTAWA – Reports from the nation’s uncoupled population indicate that 2020 is the year we all became involuntary celibates. “It’s been a hard year.” Says Abby Aquino of Hamilton. “My sex li…
Ford slams feds for not testing his finance minister returning from vacation
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford denounced the federal government for not testing his cabinet minister Rod Phillips and others who are returning from international vacations. Phillips wa…
Health Canada announces that dudes who wear shorts all winter will get vaccine last
OTTAWA – Health Canada announced this morning that they have come up with their official vaccine pecking order and, as expected, those dudes who insist on wearing shorts all winter will get…
As pandemic deaths skyrocket in Whoville, The Grinch is dubbed self-isolation hero
WHOVILLE – Last Tuesday, many who have spoken out on quarantining during the COVID-19 pandemic have taken to Twitter to praise The Grinch for his preparedness amid the news that Whovillians…
Indoor restaurant builds separate indoor restaurant on sidewalk in order to work within COVID guidelines
Barrie, ON – Local restaurants have brilliantly adapted to the new COVID guidelines by building smaller but still fully enclosed restaurants outside their original restaurant. “People are n…
