First robin of Spring almost completely unfrozen
SUDBURY, ON – A robin has been sighted in Chelmsford park, almost entirely free of ice. As any Canadian knows, the emergence of the robin from its annual cryogenic cycle is a sure sign that…
Bob Rae strums on Banjo down by old fishin’ hole.
ARNPRIOR, ON – Former leader of the Federal Liberal Party Bob Rae sat down by Gomper’s pond and strummed on his old banjo, sources reported late Monday afternoon. Ontario’s twen…
Genghis Khan polling strongly in Toronto mayoral election
TORONTO – Following yesterday’s debate, polls are showing that Genghis Khan, outsider candidate and butcher of an estimated 80 million human beings, is leading the race to become Toronto’s …
Ex-Pope Benedict caught playing mini-golf in cutoff jean shorts
THE HOLY SEE – Former Pope Benedict XVI has been spotted for the first time since his abrupt retirement playing a round of mini golf in the suburbs of Rome while sporting cutoff jean shorts. The …
Boy detective discovers Grandpa is having weird sex
HAMILTON, ON – Through the application of deductive methods and gumption, local boy detective Ronald “Reference” Wilson, 11, has made the discovery that his grandfather is havin…
CNN anchors disappointed to discover Malaysian airline mystery just a regular tragedy
ATLANTA – Following weeks of wild round the clock speculation on the nature of the mysterious Malaysian Airlines disappearance, CNN anchors were disappointed to discover that the plane simply cra…
Elizabeth May wins 3rd annual parliamentary Hunger Games
OTTAWA – The Tribute MP representing the British Columbia District has been declared winner of the third annual Canadian Parliamentary Hunger Games after two days of intense combat and cunn…
What this funeral needs is more hops
BY DOUG FALWELL, OWNER & PROPRIETOR, BaTshIt INsaNE BReWerY Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Daniel Burling: son, brother, father, friend. Obviously this …
Hero dog passes climate change regulation
OTTAWA – Breaking through the barriers of political deadlock, entrenched opposition, and conflicting regional interests, a heroic German Shepherd has successfully passed a suite of legislat…
Leafs: ‘We’re only collapsing now to avoid heartbreaking collapse in playoffs.’
TORONTO – In the midst of a 5 game losing streak that has seen them fall from 4th place in the East to nearly out of the playoff picture, the Toronto Maple Leafs have reassured fans that th…
