Feds wish someone, anyone would do something about missing aboriginal women

OTTAWA – A statement released today by the department of Aboriginal Affairs and Northern Development has called on “somebody, please” to do something about the fact that hundreds of aborigi…

Game of Thrones to raise revenue with product integration

LONDON — In the wake of discussions about how the popular fantasy saga Game of Thrones can maintain profitability as more and more viewers choose to illegally download rather than pay to view the…

GM recalls being good at making cars

DETROIT, MI – In the wake of several manufacturing errors on many different models affecting over 13.6 million vehicles, General Motors has announced that it is recalling that it used to be…

Experts searching for Malaysian Flight 370 report ‘Fuck it, it was aliens’

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA –  Upon completing their submersible drone sweep of the floor of the Indian ocean, researchers searching for the missing Malaysian airline flight 370 say they have reached…

Men’s Rights Activists demand equal sexual harassment

KINGSTON – At a recent university rally, Men’s Right’s Activists demanded their “fair share” of Canada’s sexual harassment, and accused “militant feminists” of refusing to objectify them. Nearly …

Winking Tim Hudak says he won’t cut health care

ONTARIO – At a press conference earlier today, Tim Hudak once again told reporters that he wouldn’t consider cutting Ontario’s health care budget, while winking repeatedly and shaking his h…

Andrea Horwath confirms she is not a Conservative, unless that would get your vote

TORONTO – At a press conference repudiating the NDP’s core principles on Tuesday, Andrea Horwath assured Ontarians that she is not a Progressive Conservative unless that’s what the voters w…

Habs fan already blaming Price’s injury, refs, coach, Ginette Reno, weather for Habs playoff elimination

MONTREAL – With the Montreal Canadiens facing elimination from the Stanley Cup playoffs, one diehard fan is faulting goaltender Carey Price’s injury, poor refereeing, head coach Michel Ther…

Ontario Liberals announce election platform of things they could have easily done before now

THUNDER BAY, ON – At a campaign stop on Sunday the provincial Liberal party announced what they would do if elected to govern Ontario for the next few years, pretty much all of which they c…

12 overdose at Woofstock

TORONTO – The celebrations at Summer Woofstock, the annual canine festival, ended in several emergency vet visits after 12 dogs were reported to have partied too hard, possibly ingesting il…