Marc Garneau fulfills childhood dream of becoming a Minister of Transport

OTTAWA – During yesterday’s cabinet appointments, former astronaut Marc Garneau was thrilled to discover that he had been made Minister of Transport, thus achieving his lifelong dream. “I c…

80% of TTC wifi traffic just emails explaining lateness

TORONTO – A new study published by an independent technology research group says that 80% of the Toronto Transit Commission’s new free Wi-Fi network activity is just emails communicat…

Starbucks marks Remembrance Day by remembering Christmas is seven weeks away

CLARINGTON, ON — Starbucks locations from across Canada are marking November 11th by festively reminding customers that the Holidays are only a mere seven weeks away. “We are honouring our …

Trudeau names former babysitter Minister of Letting Me Stay Up to Watch the First 10 Minutes of SNL

OTTAWA – Moments after being sworn in as Canada’s 23rd Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau tapped childhood friend and former babysitter Dominic LeBlanc to be his Minister of Letting Me Stay Up To Wat…

Local startup hopes foosball table will distract employees from lack of benefits

VANCOUVER — Local startup CompuComp recently acquired a large foosball table for its office break room in the hopes that it would distract employees from the lack of benefits, adequate comp…

Justin Trudeau takes drag off cigarette, adjusts leather jacket, swears in as PM

OTTAWA – Just before being sworn in as Canada’s Prime Minister, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau stood in the darkened alley by Rideau Hall and took a long puff of his cigarette before flickin…

Tesla updates cars with auto-road-rage feature

PAULO ALTO – On the heels of its revolutionary release of autopilot software for its Model S car, electric vehicle maker Tesla Motors has complemented the innovation with an auto-road-rage mode t…

Fuck you

BY: RT. HON. STEPHEN HARPER, FORMER PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA As my final act as Prime Minister of Canada, there is something I would like to express to all Canadians from coast-to-coast-to-coast;…

50% female cabinet appointments lead to 5000% increase in guys who suddenly care about merit in cabinet

OTTAWA – With Prime Minister designate Justin Trudeau preparing to announce a cabinet that is 50% women, researchers have discovered a sharp 5000% increase in the number of men who suddenly…

BREAKING: Police investigating after toothbrush found in child’s Halloween candy

MISSISSAUGA — Peel Regional Police are investigating after a child reportedly found a non-candy item in her trick-or-treat loot. “On the evening of the 31st, an nine-year-old child reported…