New prescription drug to treat side-effects of prescription drug costs
TORONTO — While many Canadians are finding it difficult to make ends meet with prescription drug costs, a pharmaceutical company has unveiled a new solution to their problems: Gougium. Goug…
Optimist sees polar ice caps as half full
Brandon, Manitoba – Noted bright-side looker Julie Chambers, 37, told reporters yesterday that she thinks it’s better to view the polar ice caps, which in recent years have been losing both…
Stephen Harper found chained to police station by caped vigilante David Suzuki
OTTAWA – Former Prime Minister and maniacal rejecter of the Kyoto Protocol Stephen Harper has kept a low profile since October, but was found early this morning chained to a police station …
CBC installs Schitt’s Creek advertisement behind nation’s eyelids
TORONTO – With the second season of Schitt’s Creek in full swing, the CBC has ramped up its promotion of the show to even greater levels, by holding open the eyelids of every Canadian and a…
‘Tryst,’ ‘Moonlight Dalliance’ and ‘You-Know-What’ top media’s preferred terms for rape
TORONTO – According to statistics compiled by media watchdog PressWatch.org, the most widely used terms in 2015 by media outlets describing rape charges and allegations were “Tryst”, “Moonlight D…
Slow Canadian takeover of U.S. going according to plan
OTTAWA – In a dark, shadowy bunker deep beneath Parliament Hill, an assembled group of Canada’s top politicians, businesspeople, and spymasters known as the True North Society have expressed cryp…
Yukon’s shortlist for a territorial motto
Yukon is one of the last jurisdictions in Canada not to have a motto, but a local Legion is hosting a competition to change that. Here’s the shortlist: 1. Not Alaska 2. Yukon: We’ll keep your car…
Ghomeshi’s confidence evaporates as he sees trial judge is Billy Bob Thornton
TORONTO – Tensions ran high during the first day of the Jian Ghomeshi trial, after a last minute change of judge saw the Honourable Justice Billy Bob Thornton presiding. “Would you look who…
Liberals add clause to Bill C-51 asking terrorists not to attack us
OTTAWA – After promising to “undo” many of the controversial elements in the Conservative anti-terror legislation, the Liberal government has announced that it will actually add a new claus…
My grandfather didn’t fight suffragettes just to give women a gender-neutral O Canada
BY: PETER MARSH As a proud man Canadian, I sing ‘O Canada’ with an enormous sense of pride, especially when I emphasize ‘in all thy sons command’. When I sing those sweet, exclusive lyrics, I thi…
