Google Watch gives up on recommending exercise, maps route to Arby’s
ETOBICOKE – Tired of trying to motivate its owner, a frustrated Google Pixel Watch has given up on displaying its many health-related apps and is now solely showing routes to the nearest ArbyR…
Singh announces that he also here
OTTAWA – This week NDP leader Jagmeet Singh called a press conference to announce that he is also a political leader that exists, and presumably has done so for a while. “During this …
New CPC logo just a boner in a cowboy hat
OTTAWA – After a rousing speech by Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre at the party’s convention last week, the CPC has unveiled a new logo carefully designed to communicate a strong new m…
“Sit the fuck down, you miserable little cretins” begins Air Canada apology statement
MONTREAL – Air Canada has issued a statement on its latest scandal, calling the complainants “a bunch of pasty-faced fucks” who “couldn’t board a plane if it was parked up their own assholes” as …
Local man goes outside to try to get better signal for weather app
GUELPH, ON – With the WeatherNetwork app down across the nation, a local man has bravely stepped outside to see if he can get a better signal. “How am I supposed to go out if I don’t know what th…
Pretending to be flight attendant closest Poilievre has been to having a real job
QUEBEC CITY – Career politician Pierre Poilievre, excited a handful of members of a captive audience with an impromptu in-flight announcement as though he were a member of the flight crew, …
Devastating: Woman forgets “R” in email to Pedro
PICKERING – Receptionist Kelly Cook shocked coworkers last week after making an unfortunate typo in her email to bookkeeper Pedro Sanchez – she forgot the “r” in Pedro. “…
Sens fan confident that his bold predictions of success won’t make him look like a complete idiot this year
OTTAWA – Local Senators fan Morgan Horowitz is pretty sure that his confident proclamations that this is the year the Senators achieve team success won’t make him look like an absolut…
10 most controversial policies passed at the Conservative Party convention
At their annual party convention this past weekend the Conservative base attempted to defuse Liberal arguments that the party is too far to the right for the average Canadian voter by passing a b…
REPORT: Piece of tinfoil you cut just a little too small
MONTREAL – A new study has revealed that the piece of tinfoil you thought was big enough to cover a lidless tupperware container is, in fact, not big enough. Researchers from Concordia Uni…
