How to protest mass slaughter without inconveniencing anyone

As Israel continues to bombard Gaza, causing the deaths of thousands of civilians, you may be wondering how to properly protest without causing a huge scene or bothering people just trying to enj…

Las Vegas residents concerned as The Sphere begins to open

LAS VEGAS – Nevada citizens have reported worrying, as earlier today the entertainment and arts venue known as The Sphere reportedly began opening at the top, and is continuing at a gradual…

Media promise to start covering Pierre Poilievre’s transphobic comments as soon as they finish 50th story on how Liberals are unpopular

OTTAWA – In the wake of Pierre Poilievre condemning “radical gender ideology” at an event in Richmond Hill, Canadian newspapers, radio shows and evening news broadcasters swear …

Liberals explain why they’re so far behind in the polls

The federal liberals continue to flounder, with poll after poll finding that, if an election were held today, Pierre Poilievre and the Conservatives would secure a massive majority government. We…

Oilers struggles blamed on carbon tax

EDMONTON – With the pre-season Stanley Cup favourite Edmonton Oilers struggling to develop momentum, Premier Danielle Smith blamed the team’s performance on the Liberal government’s carbon …

Law and Order: Toronto to follow exciting story of police ignoring gay community about serial killer

Toronto, ON – Producers of the exciting Law and Order series centering around crimes related to Toronto finally revealed what crime the pilot episode will look at. “We’re very excited to ha…

Expensive therapist makes higher quality “mmmm” sounds

VANCOUVER — Demand for professional counsellor Lorraine Novak has skyrocketed, thanks to her ability to make particularly empathetic “mmmm” sounds while her clients blab about their miserable liv…

SAG Strike ends, forcing actors to abandon nearly-complete Middle East peace plan

HOLLYWOOD – With news that the SAG-AFTRA and Hollywood studios have reached an agreement that will end the months-long entertainment industry strike, reports indicate that a return to work …

Local intellectual pumped to spend two weeks saying, “Um, I think you mean American Thanksgiving”

VANCOUVER – Local genius and free thinker Andy Hammond is amped to spend the next several weeks reminding his American friends and relatives that the holiday they are about to celebrate in …

Right-wing, authoritarian broadcaster known for polarizing comments to meet with Tucker Carlson

CALGARY – Criticism is brewing over the baffling choice to invite a right-wing demagogue and prominent anti-vaxxer to meet with Tucker Carlson. “I’m all for free speech,” said Alberta nativ…