Opera Company expanding youth rates to under-65
Toronto, ON – The Canadian Opera Company (COC) has just an announced it will be expanding its youth rates to under-65. The COC had expanded its youth rate to under 30s almost a decade ago. …
The Beaverton Guide to Toronto for Americans who swiped all the Taylor Swift tickets
Congrats American Swifties! You guys managed to buy a huge amount of the tickets for Taylor’s only appearance in the entire country of Canada! You could have got tickets to literally any of…
Disheveled Trudeau announces national strategy for lowering price of frozen dinners
OTTAWA – A rumpled Prime Minister Trudeau has unveiled a bill that will forcibly bring down the price of microwaveable lasagnas, frozen chicken strips, and Kraft Dinner, among other depressed bac…
Where is he now? Jean Chretien has escaped, Canadians advised to shelter in place
MONTREAL – The RCMP and Canadian Wildlife Service issued a joint statement late Thursday afternoon advising Canadians across the country to shelter in place after it was discovered that for…
Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic
Pierre Poilievre is refusing to back down from criticism for attacking ‘globalist Davos elites’ in a Conservative fundraising email. Even though the term globalist is a well-known dog…
Read our letter threatening to sue Mark Zuckerberg
Meta was stopping people from seeing our content so we took action…
“I’m glad inflation is finally under control,” says man on verge of losing house
MISSISSAUGA – In response to recent reports from the Bank of Canada, Canadians across the country are celebrating that inflation is finally under control, amongst them local man Bryan Fergu…
Canadian tourist shocked to discover other countries don’t put shitty carnivals next to their Wonders Of The World
EGYPT – In the midst of a grand tour to see all the wonders of the world, Canadian Jacob Pleasance was surprised that, unlike Niagara Falls, not all the Wonders Of The World are accompanied…
Canadian wins gold at World Police and Fire Games for 50 metre evidence plant
WINNIPEG, MB – Last weekend the World Police and Fire Games saw Officer Michael Dooley of Vancouver set a new record for the 50-meter Evidence Plant event. “I’d never seen anything like it.…
Marvel executives say it is unfair for audiences to expect entertaining content
Disney+, California – Marvel executives at Disney are fuming that viewers of their content expected entertainment from their content. “When did we ever say our content had to entertain view…
