Celebratory Edmonton Oilers spray locker room with unrefined bitumen as they advance to Stanley Cup Final
EDMONTON – Following a 2-1 victory over the Dallas Stars, the Edmonton Oilers celebrated their advancement to the 2024 Stanley Cup Final by spraying their entire locker room with hundreds o…
Historical landmark you travelled thousands of miles for under construction and will remain so for the duration of your trip
WORLDWIDE – Sources report that the historic landmark you travelled thousands of miles to witness is currently under construction, and will remain so as long as you are in the country. “Aw …
Trump wins 100% of the vote in guilty verdict
NEW YORK CITY, NY – Former US President Donald Trump has won 100% of the vote in his hush money trial as a jury reached the unanimous verdict of guilty on all 34 charges. Trump has been con…
Felony conviction first thing Trump has earned in whole life
MANHATTAN, NY – With Donald Trump becoming the first president in United States history to be found guilty of criminal charges, observers note that this felony conviction is also the first …
Report: perfectly possible to hate both of these Fucks
OTTAWA – A new report has confirmed it is quite possible, and in fact logical, to hate both Pierre Poilievre and Justin Trudeau. “Contrary to what Conservative partisans believe, we c…
Canadian man reading date never knows which is day and which is month unless day is above 12
KITCHENER – Local man Dalton Strickland, whose data entry job regularly requires him to read dates off a form and put them into a computer, literally never knows which date is the day and w…
Man excited to watch TikTok highlight reel of YouTuber reading Wikipedia summary of novel’s Netflix adaptation
CALGARY – After seeing all the hype surrounding the award-winning novel The Hornet’s Lament, 34-year-old Reagan Turner is excited to borrow the book from the library, read a few pages, then give …
Report: Protestor encampment at McGill still cleaner than student residences
MONTREAL – A recent examination of the Pro-Palestine protest encampment set up on the McGill University campus has found that the students involved are currently living in conditions that a…
Top athletes in training to bang the best at Paris Olympics
TORONTO – Canadian athletes are deep in the grind as they practice day and night for the chance to bone the hottest people at the Summer Olympics. “Covid put a cramp in everyone’s ability a…
Dallas’ low camera angle allows viewers chance to imagine what may be happening along nearside boards
DALLAS – Viewers watching the Edmonton Oilers defeat the Dallas Stars in double overtime were treated to a special vantage point last night: a low camera angle that makes it impossible to s…
