Makers of Funko Pop confirm figures can no longer steal your soul

EVERETT, WA – The manufacturers of the inexplicably popular Funko Pop figures have announced that they have finally fixed the design flaw that allowed the dolls to suck the astral being out…

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SOL SELEGNA – gnikaepS morf a renid no eht strikstuo fo a niatnuom erehw a evisulcer efiwesuoh sehctaw ,yltnetni a enol evitcepsortni evitceted sah demrifnoc taht divaD hcnyL sah deid. “nI ueil f…

Hear ye, hear ye! Governor from England returns to Upper Canada to restore the Dominion

OTTAWA – Hear ye hear ye fine citizens of British North America and allow your hearts to be elated. After a long hiatus in London, England, esteemed Governor of the Bank of England Mark Car…

Everything you need to know about Mark Carney

Coming off a successful Daily Show appearance, Mark Carney is a frontrunner for the Liberal Party leader. But just who is the renegade outsider poised to shake up national politics with his popul…

Christy Clark opts out of Liberal leadership race in order to run for NDP leader next year

VANCOUVER – Former B.C. Premier Christy Clark has opted not to run for leader of the federal Liberal Party, stating she intends to run for leader of the NDP when Jagmeet Singh steps down. &…

Leafs revamp power play by adding second pointless drop pass before entering zone

TORONTO – With their power play struggling worse than ever, Toronto Maple Leafs power play coach Marc Savard has introduced a new wrinkle that he’s confident will get the team over th…

Trump unable to pursue military invasion of Canada due to bone spurs

MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Speaking from his private resort President-Elect Trump explained that, despite his rhetoric, he won’t be able to make good on his threats to annex Canada because of his bone spur…

Trump threatens to tariff California wildfires unless they immediately extinguish themselves

MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President Elect Trump spoke from his resort to demand that the wildfires destroying large portions of Los Angeles stop immediately or else he will impose various trade sanctions …

5 ways to reuse your “Fuck Trudeau” flags

Listen up, Canadian patriots: the day you’ve been waiting for has finally come. That’s right, Justin Trudeau, the guy you’ve been threatening to fuck for the last several years …

Trudeau immediately begs for job back after realising he’ll need to buy a house

OTTAWA – Just hours after announcing he was stepping down as Liberal Party leader and prime minister, Justin Trudeau was begging for the job back after spending 10 minutes browsing the Ottawa hou…