Furious Poilievre criticizes Trump tariffs for uniting Canadians

OTTAWA – Following a tumultuous weekend in which Donald Trump threatened Canada with steep tariffs on all goods, only to back down, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre angrily criticized t…

Single Canadian guy actually smuggling fentanyl to US really flattered by task force

WINDSOR, ON – Derryl Virkin, the sole Canadian who has been smuggling negligible amounts of fentanyl across the US border, has reported feeling “really flattered and kinda giddy but also ki…

Editorial: Trump underestimates how proud, united and, most importantly, petty Canadians are

By: Chris Standin President Trump has gone ahead with his long rumoured plans to put a 25% tariff on all Canadian goods sold in the United States (other than energy, which got 10%). He believes h…

5 ways to eroticise Groundhog Day because you’re busy on Valentine’s

The most romantic day of the year is almost here, but what if you’re busy this Valentine’s Day? Don’t start preparing for divorce court just yet; with a little planning and the right attitude, Gr…

Woman who agrees with Doug Ford halting US liquor also needs that liquor to deal with fact she agrees with Doug Ford

HAMILTON, ON — With Premier Doug Ford ordering Ontario LCBOs to stop selling US alcohol due to President Trump’s tariffs, accountant Marianne Thompson has expressed frustration that she won’…

Americans choose most expensive way possible to discover what goods made in Canada

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With US President Donald Trump declaring 25% tariffs on most Canadian goods, American citizens have officially chosen the most circuitous and economically painful method …

Injured ham sandwich rushed to Mayo Clinic

ROCHESTER, MN — Reports are coming in that a ham and cheese sandwich suffered a grievous injury in its internal ingredients, necessitating medical evacuation to the Mayo Clinic. “This is about as…

Local cat thinks she’s better than you and is probably right

KINGSTON, ON – Following a careful side-by-side comparison between your life and that of that one cat in your neighborhood who acts like you aren’t worth the dirt on her paws, a panel of ex…

Doug Ford points to study that bikes are primary cause of gridlock in apartment building hallways

Toronto, ON – Addressing the media today, Ontario Premier Doug Ford presented compelling new evidence that bicycles – not cars – are the main cause of congestion in apartment building hallways.  …

Everything Doug Ford was happy to do without asking for a Mandate from the electorate

Doug Ford has announced Ontarians will go to the polls this February. Even though he is only 2.5 years into his current regime, Ford says he needs “a strong mandate” from the people t…