Ontario Election: Plurality of a Minority gives Ford a Majority

QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford won a commanding majority government this week when his Progressive Conservative party got almost half of the votes cast by the almost half of the ele…

Doug Ford celebrates majority win by demolishing closest hospital

ETOBICOKE, ON — After his Conservative party was officially re-elected with a majority vote this evening, Doug Ford celebrated his win by immediately hopping in his car, tearing down University A…

Ontarians weigh difficult decision between voting and anything else

ONTARIO – With polls open today in Doug Ford’s snap provincial election, voters across the province are weighing a difficult choice between going out to vote, and not doing that whats…

Thoughtful gift thwarted by Dollarama price tag

OAKVILLE – Kevin Walker’ seemingly thoughtful gesture for his girlfriend’s birthday on Sunday was obliterated when she noticed her gift was purchased from the discount chain, Do…

The Devil went down to Georgia, was deported by ICE

Atlanta, GA – Reports first made on social media have corroborated that the devil went down to Georgia looking for some souls to steal late Friday night where he was quickly taken into cust…

Woman really impressed by how much date knows about DraftKings

EDMONTON – Local woman Melissa Orlon has reported that she is “over the moon” and “soooo blown away” by the depth of familiarity, passion and expertise her date of last night had for the on…

Trudeau invites Zelensky to friendly pick-your-brain coffee chat about being invaded by warmongering neighbour

KYIV, UKRAINE – Citing a desire to “connect face to face”, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau recently reached out to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy with an aim to “share some …

Amazon-produced 007 movie pits Bond against fulfillment center workers who want to unionize

SEATTLE, WA – With Amazon now holding the rights to the 007 film franchise, the company’s CEO, Jeff Bezos, announced the first movie will pit Bond against his greatest enemy yet: ungrateful worke…

Aligning themselves with Trump works out just as well for U.S. hockey players as it did for Ted Cruz

BOSTON – After explicitly praising Donald Trump’s support of their team and even hoping they can “win for him” U.S. hockey players discovered what Ted Cruz and numerous ot…

Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship

BOSTON, MA – The Canadian men’s hockey team has successfully seized the 4 Nations hockey championship from their American opponents, completing their annexation of the trophy nearly halfway throu…