Plants horrified to sit on bookshelf full of their dead processed cousins
SASKATOON — Local plants Natalie and William expressed their horror at having to reside on a structure surrounded by the corpses of their relatives, which have been dried, mulched, flattened, bou…
Study: 97% of temporary insanity cases caused by those goddamned cicadas
EVERYWHERE, ALL AROUND YOU, ALL THE TIME ― A report conducted this summer by the University of Guelph has found that 97% of reported cases of temporary insanity in Canada are triggered exclusivel…
This Brad J. Lamb condo development sign is running for Mayor of Toronto
TORONTO – In the lead up to the October 22 municipal election, it looks like incumbent Mayor John Tory will have a new opponent to face: this Brad J. Lamb Condo Development Notice Sign. The…
Mask-free passenger at last tastes exquisite bacchanalian delight of unprotected airplane air
AIRSPACE — Following lifting of mask mandates for air and train travel, passengers across Canada are finally free to reemerge into the sensual garden of pleasures waiting for them on the inside o…
Pierre Poilievre asks extremist group to go back to threatening other peoples’ families
OTTAWA – Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre took to social media today to decry the far-right extremist group Diagolon’s threats against his wife, noting that it’s totally cool for Canada’s…
Liberals drop COVID restrictions now that ‘keeping people alive’ no longer polls well
OTTAWA – The government has announced that, as of October 1st, the border vaccine rules, travel mask mandates and mandatory use of the ArriveCan app will no longer be in force, now that kee…
Local contrarian takes immense pleasure from people’s expressions upon learning he’s never seen Star Wars
GRAVENHURST, ON ― Local middle manager and willful snob Kenneth Thomas had a fantastic time last night, when a party he attended gave him a chance to casually reveal to a host of new people that …
US condemns Iran for policing women’s bodies the wrong way
NEW YORK CITY — In his address to the United States General Assembly on Wednesday, US President Joe Biden condemned Iran’s violent enforcement of the country’s hijab law, saying the right way to …
Nova Scotia warned storm could reduce services to New Brunswick levels
HALIFAX – With Hurricane Fiona recently upgraded to a category 4 storm, officials are warning that power and service outages could drop to dangerous New Brunswick levels. “I won’t lie, thin…
Weird! Everyone you know currently sick with the disease from that Pandemic that ended a while ago
Well this is odd! It seems that nearly every friend and family member in your life is currently testing positive for COVID-19, the disease from the 2020-2021 Pandemic. “I mean obviously bas…
