The Beaverton

a man driving a car smiling out the window at the camera

Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Leafs confident they’ll keep winning as long as they get the best goaltending in the league every single night

“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car

Puerto Ricans pissed Canada could become U.S. state before them

Side-by-side photos of Poilievre and Trudeau, with a little insert of a photo of Trump between them

Poilievre looking forward to blaming Trudeau for economic effects of Trump’s tariffs

Wizard? This woman timed her edible to the end of her workday

NANAIMO, BC – Local woman Michelle Jennings has been labelled as some form of all-seeing sorceress after perfectly timing her edible to the end of her workday. Jennings, who largely works from ho…

Oasis reaches two-state solution

LONDON – Following years of fomenting hostilities, Liam and Noel Gallagher, founding brothers of British rock band Oasis, have announced a diplomatic breakthrough, each recognizing the other’s so…

As COVID rates skyrocket, health officials warn Canadians to wear plenty of sunscreen

OTTAWA – Canada is experiencing extremely high COVID-19 rates this summer, and health officials across the country have responded by alerting Canadians to the heightened risk of sunburn whi…

Ontario orders 5 new jet planes to counter theft of helicopters

TORONTO – The Ontario government has ordered a handful of high-altitude jet planes to try and stanch the rash of thieves making off with the helicopters that were purchased to staunch the r…

Since he thinks Nazis were socialists because of their name, here are 7 other titles and phrases that must flummox Pierre Poilievre

Pierre Poilievre has repeatedly stated that the Nazis were socialists because their name is a shorthand for National Socialists. This is despite the fact that the Nazis rather infamously imprison…