Canadians looking for entertainment during actors’ strike desperate enough to briefly consider CBC Gem
TORONTO – The Screen Actors Guild has joined the Writer’s Guild of America in striking, halting the vast majority of Hollywood’s output and leaving Canadians so desperate for entertainment that e…
Bettman vows to build a whole new city in Arizona if he has to
PHOENIX, AZ – After numerous cities have voted against supporting the construction of a new arena for the Arizona Coyotes, a defiant Gary Bettman stated his intention to found an entirely n…
Marineland announces “Chuck A Toaster In There” Day
NIAGARA, ON – Marineland Canada is proud to announce that it will host “Chuck A Toaster In There” Day, where guests are invited to murder animals at rates normally reserved for the pa…
So-called “centrist” doesn’t even know how to pronounce Pierre Poilievre
Ottawa, Ontario – Self-proclaimed political centrist DougieLove4514 recently admitted he couldn’t even pronounce Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre’s name. “I wouldn’t say I belong …
Minister Ahmed Hussen fixes housing prices by knocking $20 off his newest rental property
OTTAWA – Federal Housing Minister Ahmed Hussen has announced an end to Canada’s housing affordability crisis after reducing the rent on his latest income property by twenty whole dollars. “…
One man show plays to one man audience
TORONTO – This Friday’s performance of local independent thespian Grant Issac’s one man Fringe show The Dollarama Dialogues was attended by one audience member. The play sees Issac perform …
Swifties single-handedly preventing US recession
UNITED STATES – With the US leg of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour about to end, economists are haunted because they discovered the ultimate easter egg – that Swifties has been single-handed…
BC Parks to improve campsite reservation system by partnering with Ticketmaster
VANCOUVER – In a bid to improve their online campsite reservation system, BC Parks has announced a new partnership with globally-beloved platform Ticketmaster. According to BC Parks spokesp…
“The fury of Ra washes over us, and only through sacrifice can He be appeased,” Environment Canada reports
OTTAWA – Lo, the heavens tremble and punish man for his hubris with a calamitous wave of scorching heat capable of rendering our souls from our body and casting them into the shadows of the Duat,…
Canadian politicians ranked by how stupid they look in Cowboy Hats
The Stampede is back, and with it the annual pilgrimage of Canadian politicians looking to do some light cowpoke cosplay because pollsters convinced them that Alberta will only vote for people wh…
