New hit reality show begs to answer the question, “Do you want to ruin your life!?”

CALIFORNIA – This season’s newest hit reality show is taking the genre in a new direction by making its contestants compete against each other to ruin their own lives the fastest! The show …

Man’s weight loss resolution already complete thanks to a diet of raw milk, raw chicken, and raw salmonella

Toronto ON —Gary Packett, 35,  has already achieved his weight loss goal of losing 100 pounds, thanks to his revolutionary new diet consisting entirely of raw milk, raw chicken, and a healthy dos…

Liberals promise anti-democratic components of Bill C-5 will be used sparingly as long as Conservatives never get in power again

OTTAWA – Shortly after jamming through a law that allows Cabinet to ignore Parliamentary Accountability for energy projects, Liberal MPs are confident that these provisions will only be use…

New Cirque du Soleil show apparently different from the others

SAINT-MICHEL, QC – A recent forensic examination of Cirque du Soleil’s latest show has brought to light shocking allegations: that the troupe’s show is not exactly the same every time…

Trump urges Americans to just remember whatever bullshit let them support Iraq War

WASHINGTON D.C. – With Trump’s order to bomb Middle Eastern nuclear sites potentially drawing the United States into a war with Iran, the President urged all Americans to recall whate…

NDP launches patreon

OTTAWA – Facing a massive financial shortfall and dwindling popular support after April’s election, the NDP proudly announced the launch of a new campaign on crowdfunding site Patreon. “We’…

Indoor cactus facing worse conditions than actual desert

BURLINGTON, ON – A small indoor cactus found clinging to life was reportedly facing conditions worse than the actual desert, experts say.  “Cacti is consistently ranked as one of the easies…

Trump demands Nobel Peace Prize for starting war with Iran

WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump is demanding that he be immediately awarded a Nobel Peace Prize as a reward for single-handedly sparking a potential Third World War with the n…

Blue Jays announce giveaway where first 15,000 fans get a family doctor

TORONTO – In an effort to sell tickets to baseball games, Blue Jays team president Mark Shapiro has announced a new giveaway where the first 15,000 fans who enter the Rogers Centre during an upco…

America announces reboot of early 2000’s Middle Eastern war

“Despite franchise fatigue with Marvel and Star Wars, U.S. and Israeli producers are releasing a big-budget reboot of the blockbuster property.” Party at Carney’s house! Ian and…