CALGARY -—During a friend’s birthday party at O’Malley’s bar, 30-year-old, recently married marketing consultant Annie Pierre has reportedly assured upwards of 12 attendees that, despite her refu…
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François Legault assures Muslim, Sikh, Jewish civil servants that they are free to wear crucifixes to work
QUEBEC CITY — Premier-designate François Legault has assured Quebec citizens that, since the crucifix is a historical symbol and not a religious one, civil servants of other faiths should f…
Edmonton hockey fans counting down the days until Oilers are mathematically eliminated from playoffs
EDMONTON — As the Oilers took the ice for their final exhibition game Saturday night, Jeff Kawchuk and Doug Mason stood behind the end boards beaming like kids on Christmas Eve. “175 days,”…
If re-elected, Tory promises to increase flooding until Toronto a gondola-filled Venice of the North
TORONTO – With the mayoral election less than a month away, John Tory is running on his record of turning Toronto into a stormwater-flooded city of breathtaking waterways. “Imagine it,” sai…
Woman less mad at cheating boyfriend and more in awe of his time management skills
VICTORIA, BC – During an argument with her boyfriend, Theresa Stover discovered that she isn’t so much mad as she is impressed by her cheating boyfriend, Devon Caputo’s, time management abi…
City of Victoria attempts to dispose of Sir John A statue via compost
VICTORIA – The municipality of Victoria has come across some difficulty in their attempt to be more green and compost the non-compostable metal statue of the first Prime Minister of Canada,…
You’ll never believe how this millionaire who has access to the best healthcare in human history stays so young looking
LOS ANGELES – Everyone wants to know how actress, heiress and noted WOFPSWF (woman over forty people still wanna fuck) Simone Star maintains her youthful appearance, and finally her secret …
Nothing strange about Bermuda Triangle, reports man who died there sixty years ago
DALLAS, TX – There is nothing mysterious or supernatural about the Bermuda Triangle, reports Bill Ketterle, a US pilot who perished there in a plane crash in 1957. “Look, I know there are m…
Bear wakes up from wild night out with ear tag
LYTTON, BC – A black bear found itself with a cheeky new accessory and a hazy memory after a wild night on Friday. The bear, 5, struggled to recall an exact timeline that led to the tag bei…
Kathleen Wynne completes third draft of concession speech
TORONTO, ON – Liberal Party leader Kathleen Wynne announced this week that she has finished writing “the best draft yet” of her concession speech for the upcoming Provincial election. “Normally p…