EDMONTON – Overhearing a sportscaster mention that the Toronto Maple Leafs could be the only Canadian team to make the playoffs this year has sent local man Dave Kilmartin into a full blown…
Sports
Beijing confirms they won’t cancel Winter Olympics since they already rented extra chairs
BEIJING – Officials from Beijing and the International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed this week that the 2022 Winter Olympics won’t be cancelled amidst rising COVID cases, as they have a…
Novak Djokovic loses final of Australian Immigration Detention Island Open
CHRISTMAS ISLAND, AUSTRALIA – After being detained by the Australian Border Force for failing to meet the country’s vaccination requirements ahead of the Australian Open, Novak Djokovic has enter…
Hockey fan called a hero after noticing Habs are bad at hockey
MONTREAL – A quick-thinking hockey fan is being praised as a hero after informing the Montreal Canadiens that the team is bad at playing hockey. Long-time Habs fan Patrick Martin quickly no…
COVID-19 wins World Juniors
EDMONTON – After a long and hard-fought tournament between some of the greatest under-20 hockey players from across the world, the International Ice Hockey Federation has declared COVID-19 the wi…
Leafs fan instinctively starts singing Hall & Oates anytime something good happens to him
TORONTO – After 3 years of hearing Hall & Oates hit ‘You Make My Dreams’ blast through Scotiabank Arena every time the Leafs score a goal, die-hard fan Matthew Minden has be…
Diplomats who spent 4 years training for Beijing Olympics furious over boycott
OTTAWA – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a diplomatic boycott for the upcoming Beijing Olympics, Canada’s diplomats are expressing outrage that they spent so long traini…
Humane society seizes Brendan Lemieux for biting
NEW YORK – The Humane Society has seized Los Angeles Kings forward Brendan Lemieux for biting another player last Saturday. The 25-year-old American breed was taken away by dog handlers usi…
I bet you fucking idiots think I’m about to drop this puck
By: Dalton Henderson, NHL Linesman That’s right you fucking rubes, get in the faceoff circle and put your sticks in, because you think I’m about to drop this puck. Well spoiler alert …
Life coach benches client
CALGARY – Scouts report that life coach Tom Duggan is replacing his client, Simon Pike, after Pike turned in an incredibly underwhelming performance during the first half of his life. “Simon, I r…
