TORONTO – Randolph Farkas was left utterly flummoxed after trying every conceivable way to explain what he does as a profession to his parents Luca and Fang, two adult gray wolves. Farkas,…
Parenting
Disturbing UN prediction: by 2030, 80% of all newborns will be named Jackson
NEW YORK CITY- Representatives from the United Nations shocked the world today with the release of a damning report predicting that by the year 2030, 80% of all newborns will be named Jackson. “W…
Toddler slamming on xylophone mistaken for jazz legend
CALGARY – This past Saturday evening, toddler Jacob Williams was mistaken for jazz legend Duke Ellington while slamming on his xylophone. Jacob was gifted the xylophone at his third birthda…
Woman who doesn’t want children afraid of never having children
BURNABY, BC – Local woman, Nadine Tarzi, speaks out about definitely not wanting children and subsequently struggling with the possibility of never actually having any children. “The idea o…
Nation’s dads just reminding you that Mom’s birthday coming up, not that you’d forget
OTTAWA – Dads nationwide have been checking in throughout the day with a reminder that your mom’s birthday is next week and you should definitely give her a call, but of course you kn…
Father giving up on son for Lent
VANCOUVER – Local father James Hanover made a surprise statement on the car ride home from Ash Wednesday church service, announcing that for Lent this year he would be giving up on his elde…
Woman diligently washing vibrator pretty sure she could be a good mom
MONTREAL – While carefully washing her $200 vibrator after use, local woman Maya Shah had the epiphany that it’s very likely she could be a great mother. She has since applied to adopt a ch…
‘So far so good’ reports baby carrying around Ming Dynasty vase
CANMORE, AB- Oliver Jorgensen, a 14-month old baby who just learned to walk, has let everyone know that things are going very well in his attempt to carry around a priceless Ming Dynasty vase wit…
Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you
Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay in…
Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names
CALGARY, AB – Local resident, George Bronson, recently got a large chest tattoo to commemorate his beautiful children, which will also serve as a daily reminder of whatever-the-hell their n…