TORONTO – As they reflected from their places of quarantine, Ontarians reminisced about the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, whose tenure from 2010-2014 didn’t lead to the deaths of thousands. …
Ontario
Ford government unveils paid sick days for select postal codes of major PC donors
TORONTO – Caving to political pressure, Premier Doug Ford and his provincial government announced they will be launching paid sick days, but only for residents who live carefully selected p…
Doug Ford relieved to have paid sick days after workplace COVID exposure
ETOBICOKE, ON – After coming into contact with a coworker who tested positive for COVID-19, Premier Doug Ford is reportedly “hugely relieved” to have paid sick days to isolate at home, as p…
Washington Post dares to ask: “Who the fuck is Doug Ford?”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontarians roundly criticizing Premier Doug Ford’s failed COVID-19 response, many were surprised to see leading American newspaper The Washington Post publish an Op-Ed…
Ford closes hospitals to prevent COVID from spreading to precious construction sites
TORONTO – Ontario’s hospitals, long-term care homes, and other health care facilities will be shuttered for the next six weeks to prevent COVID from spreading to the province’s vulnerable c…
Ford confident he can defeat public health crisis with civil rights crisis
TORONTO – Following a massive increase in COVID cases in Ontario, Premier Doug Ford has decided that the best way to defeat this unprecedented threat to human life is with an equally unprec…
Ford refuses Red Cross aid after realizing red is a Liberal colour
TORONTO — The Federal Government offered to deploy the Canadian Red Cross today in order to provide Ontario with support for its vaccination clinics and healthcare system in the midst of a debili…
Ontario bans non-essential jacking off
TORONTO – At a press conference this morning Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the province would be banning all non-essential jacking off to combat the rise of COVID-19. “List…
Ontario government: The purpose of our scientists’ COVID projections was for betting purposes only
TORONTO – The province of Ontario clarified that any of the COVID-19 projections made by provincial doctors, scientists, and epidemiologists were for politicians to make bets on if they cam…
