TORONTO – While in town for the Toronto International Film Festival, where he was sucker-punched in a nearby bar by a random patron, actor James McAvoy feels certain that it was likely perp…
Culture
SNL casts Canadian provided she can evade ICE at border
NEW YORK – Sketch comedy institution Saturday Night Live has announced the addition of its first new Canadian cast member in decades, Veronika Slowikowska, contingent on her not being captu…
Canadians paralyzed by choice on what movie to watch to remember Graham Greene
OTTAWA – Following the death of iconic Canadian First Nations actor Graham Greene, grieving viewers report finding themselves utterly overwhelmed by choice when attempting to pick a single …
Joe Rogan of the Left? This credulous dipshit is vegan
Hold onto your podcasting mic! During the 2024 US Presidential election, “bro podcast” hosts like Theo Von, Andrew Schulz, and of course Joe Rogan offered fawning softball interviews …
Apple TV+ spends $1 billion on the perfect film, then burns it as a tax write-off
Cupertino, CA- Apple TV+, the free-spending streaming service run as a ploy to lower its parent company’s tax bill, announced today that it has financed, produced, and set fire to a monumen…
Man stranded on desert island regrets bringing favourite album instead of flare gun
PACIFIC OCEAN – According to nautical sources, 36-year-old Damian Clarke regrets not bringing fundamental survival supplies to an abandoned island in favour of packing 3 Doors Down’s smash hit d…
Hulk Hogan declared dead after paramedic’s elbow drop fails to restart heart
CLEARWATER, FL – Hulk Hogan, who helped lead professional wrestling’s rise in popularity in the 1980s and beyond, was pronounced dead on Thursday after first responders were unable to…
Toronto’s real estate market forces Paul McCartney to move concert to Hamilton
HAMILTON – As more Torontonians relocate to cities that offer more affordable housing, rock legend Sir Paul McCartney announced that his Toronto concert at the Scotiabank Arena is also being relo…
CBS launches The Late Show With Jon Voight as part of fall, Trump-approved line-up
NEW YORK CITY – Following the sudden cancellation of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, CBS has announced a revamp of their prime-time line-up designed to appease the Trump administration …
Supposedly hip young person doesn’t even know who LCD Soundsystem is
HAMILTON, ON — Reports have confirmed that Miley Autlin, 24, a person previously believed by experts to be “cool”, “up on the scene” and even “really into the new stuff” literally didn’t even kno…
