SAN FRANCISCO – Newly minted Twitter owner Elon Musk has announced an ambitious plan to generate profit for the first time in company history by charging its users a fee to quit the site. A…
Business
Village Idiot buys Town Square
YE OLDE PAOLO ALTO – Surprising both maidens and lads, village idiot Elon Musk has purchased the town square and shall now rule it as he sees fit. “I decree that all may now enter the…
Coffee Time Manager going to pretend that all the spiderwebs are Halloween decorations
Owen Sound, ON – Management of a local Coffee Time has asked that all staff pretend that the cobwebs currently coating stationary objects were put there for the Halloween season, as opposed…
Lisa LaFlamme enjoys reporting on life of woman who got to keep job beyond age 58
LONDON – City TV News special correspondent Lisa LaFlamme is said to be enjoying her new role covering the life and career of a woman who was able to stay in her position well past the age …
1,392 Shoppers Drug Mart locations tie for “worst”
BRAMPTON — The results of a customer satisfaction survey have revealed that all 1,392 Shoppers Drug Mart locations have tied for worst. This data vindicates millions of Canadians who have long-to…
Restaurants add option to tip server’s entire salary
TORONTO – In a bold new move, restaurants are adding the option to tip your server’s whole salary. After successful tipping increases to 20% and even 30%, business owners decided to keep it going…
No one is ever productive working from home declare CEOs working from Barbados
Sandy Lane, Barbados – A group of Fortune 500 CEOs met over lunch at their Barbados country club to discuss how no one is ever productive when working from home. After two and a half years …
Sleep Country Canada admits there might be reasons to buy a mattress anywhere else
OAKVILLE, ONT – Christine Magee, co-founder and president of Sleep Country Canada, has admitted she no longer agrees with the implied answer to her company’s jingle. “Since the beginning Sleep C…
Brilliant strategy of hiring dozens of untrained employees somehow fails to boost productivity
STOUFFVILLE, ON ― Local businesses were puzzled this week to find that hiring droves of inexperienced employees with no time allotted to train them had not helped increase their productivity to m…
Canada’s Aunties all pause mid-sentence, sniff the air, whisper “it’s happening”
TORONTO – Canadians from all walks of life reported strange events with older relatives yesterday, as the retail giant Hudson’s Bay announced its plans to relaunch the beloved department store br…
