VANCOUVER — In response to the recent spate of coyote attacks in Stanley Park, the city of Vancouver debuted an action plan yesterday to humanely relocate the animals from the popular wilderness …
Animal
Olympic dressage horses sent home in disgrace for ignoring sex ban
TOKYO – Scandal has rocked the Olympics as dressage horses Bella Rose and Dream Boy were caught violating the ban on sex between athletes. “COVID forced us to re-evaluate our normally permissive …
Vancouver offers Stanley Park coyotes one jogger a year as tribute
VANCOUVER – Acknowledging the failure of typical animal control measures to quell a spate of violent coyote attacks over the last few months in Stanley Park, the City of Vancouver has decid…
Real-life Garfield? This cat ate a lasagna and died
REGINA – Boris, an orange Persian cat, wowed his neighbourhood with his uncanny resemblance to Garfield by eating an entire lasagna before dying from diet-induced health issues. “Everyone loved t…
Crow pretty jazzed to grab engagement ring after couple finishes fighting in the park
VICTORIA, BC – During a midday flight through a lovely park, local crow Beaks McCaw spotted an exciting opportunity to add to her collection of shiny things upon witnessing an engaged coupl…
Seagull quits cigarette butts in favour of discarded Juul pods
VANCOUVER – Mirroring the popular shift from smoking to vaping amongst human smokers, a nicotine-addicted seagull has switched from eating cigarette butts to eating discarded Juul pods. “Th…
Family in silent pact to ignore dog’s obvious erection
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Reports indicate that the Miller family’s board game night has been interrupted by their English bulldog Snoodles, who has a glaringly obvious erection no one wants to acknowledg…
Report: Puppy calendar filled with uggos this year
EDMONTON – The latest report compiled by market experts has revealed that the 2021 release from noted calendar brand “Omg Pups!” is filled with absolute uggos this year. The newest 13-month…
Disinterested cat leaves gift card for dead mouse in owners shoes
VANCOUVER – In a stark display of feline frigidity, local cat owner Carly Munroe awoke Thursday morning to find a gift card for a dead mouse inside her slippers left by her cat, Mittens. Ea…
Aunt Ruth to finally take COVID seriously now that she knows dogs can catch it
NIAGARA – Reports from within your family indicate a huge burden was lifted today, as sources indicate that Aunt Ruth finally plans to take COVID seriously solely for the wellness of her th…
