KITIMAT, BC – A cellphone owned by local Elaine Jorgensen takes great delight in deceiving its owner in how much battery power remains by shutting off at the worst time possible, regardless…
Scientists say giant spiders are the future for both food and transportation
OTTAWA, ON – A new report out of the National Research Council says that the solution to growing challenges in transportation and food sectors may well be the same thing: giant spiders. Wit…
Nickelodeon launching new kids show “That’s Problematic!”
NEW YORK – Leading Nickelodeon’s fall lineup is a new kids show, “That’s Problematic!” The show presents and addresses a myriad of issues that were accepted uncritically by previous generat…
Oh Shit! The same people in charge of our COVID response are in charge of our Climate Change response
MONTRÉAL – People across Canada are slowly realizing that the people responsible for the handling of the COVID-19 pandemic are also the same people responsible for handling our response to …
Canada quietly quadruples military spending as it realises it has 20% of the world’s fresh water
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland released a statement late last night announcing an increase in funding for the Department of Defense. Further investigation revealed that the inc…
Drunken Habs GM sends 2am offer sheets to Hurricane Ida, “Oh Carolina” by Shaggy and Tottenham’s Harry Kane
MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens General Manager Marc Bergevin submitted three bizarre offer sheets in the wee hours of the morning to NHL head offices. He commandeered the Habs Twitter accoun…
Local man in line confusingly announces he won’t be tipping his vaccine nurse
WESTMOUNT, QC – Local resident Glerbert Memps was waiting in line to receive his first COVID vaccine shot when he loudly announced to the strangers behind him that he would definitely not b…
Local man who hates hugs at work stalling on vaccination
LAVAL, QC – Hugo Drujon, age 50, has been eligible for weeks to receive a vaccination but has been holding out in an effort to avoid the inevitable offers of hugs at work that will come on…
Nation celebrates first ever successful use of KD push-in tab
STEINBACH, MB – Canadians across the country are in awe as Manitoban Amelia Kristensen shared an image of a perfectly opened Kraft Dinner package online with a cleanly punched in tab. Cong…
Liberal MP promotes his OnlyFans page during Virtual Question Period
OTTAWA – After being caught totally naked on camera during a recent Virtual Question Period, Liberal MP William Amos assured his constituents he was simply trying to raise the profile of hi…
