A recent episode of The Fifth Estate brought Buffy Ste Marie’s ethnic identity into question. We sought the definitive word on the iconic singer’s heritage by asking six of the whitest people we …
Luxury porta-potty includes chemical bidet
CALGARY — Patrons at the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra’s “Symphony by the River” were delighted to discover the onsite porta-potties included an opulent new feature: chemical bidets. “Our concer…
World’s climate scientists recommend having only as many children as you plan to eat
GENEVA — The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change put out a statement today advising potential parents to only create and rear as many children as they believe they’ll feasibly be able to co…
Seasoned traveller impresses date by showing up for dinner wearing neck pillow
EDMONTON — Self-styled globetrotter and citizen of the world Bryan Kneeth scored major points with his date by showing up for dinner wearing his favourite neck pillow. “I’ve seen guys boarding pl…
OPINION: I know nothing on your subject, and I’ll never concede defeat. Debate me!
Hey there, Smartypants Expert with your fancy degrees and practical experience and whatnot. I’ve built an online following by espousing the opposite of what you and the overwhelming majority of s…
Seven celebrities, inventions and exoplanets you didn’t realise are Canadian
Just because Canadians don’t like to toot our collective horn doesn’t mean there aren’t celebrities, inventions and exoplanets we can be quietly proud of, or even mention to an American friend if…
Man saves years of accumulated time by referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev”
WINNIPEG — Forty-four year-old Mark O’Shea crossed a major milestone this month, saving nine years of accumulated time by repeatedly referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev.” “As a kid, I found it took for…
Man whose dick you have to suck to get a drink around here finally identified: Marty Williams of Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH — After decades of the question being asked by frustrated bar patrons, the identity of the man whose dick you have to suck to get a drink around here has been definitively identified …
Ticketmaster to levy service charge for concerts you don’t attend
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Ticketmaster, a division of Live Nation Entertainment, has announced a new service charge for concerts their users don’t attend or even know about. “We’ve been adding more and…
New morning radio crew doesn’t play music or talk, just laughs and laughs and laughs
CALGARY — CHFM launched a new weekday morning team who never play music or even speak; they spend their three hour broadcast block in constant laughter. “[Previous morning hosts] Billie Jo and Ca…