HALIFAX — The audience at Neptune Theatre’s recent production of Coriolanus came to the conclusion that, in the titular character’s soliloquy in Act Four, Scene Four, he’s angry. “He seemed prett…
Boy realises the magic really was in that amulet and not inside him in the slightest
COMOX, B.C. — Local adolescent Graham Holley’s adventure in a parallel world came to a disappointing conclusion thanks to his foolish belief that there was magic in his own heart, and not in the …
Allure of handsome American traveller evaporates when he refers to toque as “beanie”
TORONTO — Jane Pryce’s near hook-up with attractive American tourist Zach Greer was narrowly averted when he unselfconsciously referred to his toque as a “beanie.” The twenty-seven year-old found…
Expensive therapist makes higher quality “mmmm” sounds
VANCOUVER — Demand for professional counsellor Lorraine Novak has skyrocketed, thanks to her ability to make particularly empathetic “mmmm” sounds while her clients blab about their miserable liv…
Man with high pitched warbling voice dies, becomes ghost with clear, deep voice
ST JOHN’S — The late Alan Hynes has surprised friends and relatives by reappearing in spectral form, able to communicate in a voice that’s suddenly low, resonant and intelligible. “I don’t know …
Is Buffy Ste Marie actually Indigenous? Six extremely white people weigh in
A recent episode of The Fifth Estate brought Buffy Ste Marie’s ethnic identity into question. We sought the definitive word on the iconic singer’s heritage by asking six of the whitest people we …
Luxury porta-potty includes chemical bidet
CALGARY — Patrons at the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra’s “Symphony by the River” were delighted to discover the onsite porta-potties included an opulent new feature: chemical bidets. “Our concer…
World’s climate scientists recommend having only as many children as you plan to eat
GENEVA — The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change put out a statement today advising potential parents to only create and rear as many children as they believe they’ll feasibly be able to co…
Seasoned traveller impresses date by showing up for dinner wearing neck pillow
EDMONTON — Self-styled globetrotter and citizen of the world Bryan Kneeth scored major points with his date by showing up for dinner wearing his favourite neck pillow. “I’ve seen guys boarding pl…
OPINION: I know nothing on your subject, and I’ll never concede defeat. Debate me!
Hey there, Smartypants Expert with your fancy degrees and practical experience and whatnot. I’ve built an online following by espousing the opposite of what you and the overwhelming majority of s…