TORONTO – Things appeared to be getting serious between chart-topping musician Aubrey Drake Graham and Toronto this Friday after Mayor John Tory announced that he would be providing Drake with a …
JK Rowling announces 2016 release of new Harry Potter book “The Costly Beachside Villa”
SAINT TROPEZ, FRANCE – Author JK Rowling surprised fans Harry Potter this week with the announcement of a 2016 release for the 8th installment of her beloved series, entitled “The Costly Beachsid…
Civil servants deployed to Iraq to train others in passive-aggressive conflict resolution
OTTAWA — The federal government has announced it will be deploying some 500 civil servant trainers to Iraq to teach their Iraqi counterparts in skills in unassertive forms of procrastinatio…
Martin Shkreli unable to resist punching own face
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Pharmaceutical Company CEO and alleged securities fraudster Martin Skreli was unable to overcome to desire to punch himself repeatedly in his smirking, self-assure…
New prescription drug to treat side-effects of prescription drug costs
TORONTO — While many Canadians are finding it difficult to make ends meet with prescription drug costs, a pharmaceutical company has unveiled a new solution to their problems: Gougium. Goug…
‘Hockey Night’ experience gives Rogers courage to ruin Blue Jays
TORONTO – Having successfully rebranded Hockey Night in Canada from a beloved cultural institution into an unwatchable orgy of corporate synergy, Rogers Communications says it’s finally ready to …
Viral video: ultra orthodox Jews touch crustaceans for the first time
NEW YORK — A video showing a group of ultra orthodox Jews touching crabs, lobsters, shrimp and oysters for the first time is going viral worldwide. The website that produced the five minute…
Overhead oxygen masks accidentally deployed at Bank of Canada’s fiscal update
OTTAWA — Canadian journalists and investors were sent into a panic after the Bank of Canada Governor deployed the press room’s emergency breathing apparatuses by mistake. The incident occur…
This oil crisis is what happens when you disturb an ancient dinosaur burial ground
BY: PROFESSOR LOUISIANA HARKER I’ve been all over this great, mysterious world of ours: from the Nazca Lines in Peru to the hidden Tonsoon tribes in Tanzania, from the ancient crypts of the Vikin…
Thomas Mulcair emerges from burrow, sees shadow; six more disappointing NDP elections expected
OTTAWA — The New Democratic Party was dealt a heavy blow yesterday when Thomas Mulcair, former Leader of the Official Opposition, crawled out of his burrow on Parliament Hill, saw his shado…