OTTAWA – Canada’s Chief BDSM Doctor is recommending Canadians wear masks, leashes, tight leather, and other items to prevent the spread of COVID-19. Dr. Octovia Slayer says that everyone sh…
Billion-dollar public transit infrastructure ready now that everyone works from home
OTTAWA – After years of waiting and billions of dollars spent, ambitious public transit projects are finally ready now that everyone is working remotely. Trains, buses, and subways across m…
Restaurants require female servers to wear skimpier face masks
TORONTO – Restaurants across the GTA are enforcing a new dress code on its female servers obliging them to wear face masks that are tighter and reveal more skin. The new “face thongs” revea…
Liberals commit $100 million to resupply toner for redacted documents
OTTAWA – Pledging to restart the office appliance economy, the federal government is investing in over $100 million in toner cartridges for its many redacted information requests. The gover…
SIU decides to drop “Investigations” from name
TORONTO – After once again clearing all police officers of any wrongdoing in the death of another Black Torontonian, the Special Investigations Unit has opted to remove the word “Investigat…
Paper shredder working hard to process as many ballots at Conservative Party Leadership vote
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada’s leadership election has started without a hitch dozens of paper shredders destroying as many ballots before they can be counted. “We …
200 Ontario cops hired to force teachers back into schools
TORONTO – Ontario’s PC government is hiring an additional 200 OPP officers to force any unruly teachers back into classrooms. “My friends, teacher unions are the greatest threat to the heal…
US prison overcrowding reaches critical mass due to Trump’s staff
WASHINGTON – Experts and prison staff are raising the alarm about overcrowding in US prisons due to Donald Trump’s staff. “We’re at a breaking point,” said Yani Overbrooke, a prison warden …
