PARIS – An Olympic torchbearer jogging through Paris en route to the opening ceremony has accidentally triggered a huge uprising amongst the populace as they reflexively took to the streets…
Divorced Dad advent calendar promises big chocolate every other weekend
VANCOUVER — A new brand of advent calendar made for divorced dads by Divorced Dads features one very large chocolate every other weekend to show your child that you care just as much if not more …
Scientists declare 2 degree warming target was possible until you left bathroom lights on last night
GENEVA – A consortium of environmental scientists released a declaration that humanity’s accelerating march toward climate catastrophe had previously been avoidable before you left the ligh…
Couple struggling to find perfect amount of life insurance that will secure future but not encourage murder
VANCOUVER – A local couple are having a hard time finding the right amount of life insurance coverage that would protect their future but not inspire them to murder one another. Michael and…
As Russia prepares to invade Ukraine, West rapidly deploys stockpile of vague condemnations
BRUSSELS – In light of Russia’s aggressive military buildup near the Ukrainian border, Western nations have ordered their stockpiles of vague condemnations to be placed at the highest…
Local teens find old laptop with PornHub Premium account in woods
VANCOUVER – Local teens Luke, Ryan, and Tucker were gobsmacked this weekend after finding a laptop with a paid premium account to the explicit website PornHub in the woods behind their scho…
Towel still disturbingly moist
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Hospital interior designer thinking off-white theme for this room
VANCOUVER – Hospital interior designer Shannon Kimble was struck by inspiration today and announced she’s strongly considering going with an off-white theme for patient room A03. “It just h…
Nation’s dads just reminding you that Mom’s birthday coming up, not that you’d forget
OTTAWA – Dads nationwide have been checking in throughout the day with a reminder that your mom’s birthday is next week and you should definitely give her a call, but of course you kn…
Scientists announce breakthrough in lab-grown beefcakes
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