NATIONWIDE – With the current rollout beginning for the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, many people across the country are excited about the chance to have bitter arguments about the safety and ef…
Office Christmas Party cancellation leaves local man with nowhere to make drunken fool of himself
CALGARY – With his firm forgoing plans for the usual Christmas party this year due to the current pandemic, paralegal Will Sanchez is worried that he will have nowhere to disgrace himself i…
Black Friday shoppers prepare for outdoor bloodbath this year
CANADA – With the COVID-19 pandemic forcing retail locations across the country to limit the number of customers inside, many shoppers hoping to take advantage of Black Friday deals are get…
COVID cases replaces racism as thing Canadians think they handle better than the States
NATIONWIDE – A new survey has revealed that racism has been replaced by COVID statistics as the number one source of contempt for the United States amongst Canadians. “I’m just glad I live …
Doug Ford vows to find budget cut that will stop COVID
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced on Monday that he will stem the rising number of COVID cases by implementing a strategy that has always worked for his administration in the pa…
Toronto bar enforces occupancy limit by starting open mic night
TORONTO – With the current pandemic requiring businesses to restrict the number of people inside, the management of downtown bar McTavish’s Pub have determined the most natural way to…
Man with eyepatch tired of people assuming he’s interesting
BARRIE, ON – Local everyman Paul Huller is reportedly fed up with the misconception that he lives an exciting life due to the fact he wears an eyepatch. “I honestly don’t know where people …
Local man vows to get even less done during second wave of COVID
TORONTO – Local man Todd Walters has made a resolution that should the COVID-19 virus force him into quarantine again, he will accomplish even less with the extra time off. “After I went ba…
Local teacher’s health lesson plan just letting class go home
VAUGHN, ON – With schools resuming classes despite the ongoing pandemic, high school teacher Erin Jorna has decided the most logical plan she can have for health class is to dismiss her stu…
Old man excited to walk around changeroom naked again
OSHAWA, ON – With gyms around the province reopening, local senior citizen Waylan Marshall is relieved to no longer have to resort to walking around the house naked. “Walking around in my b…
