KINGSTON, ON – Local man Mitch Thompson insists that his meticulously curated collection of back-of-the-head selfies has, in fact, nothing to do with any alleged thinning around the crown a…
Report: Hot person’s soulmate also hot
VICTORIA, BC – In a completely unexpected turn of events, local heartthrob and solid 9.5, Mark Steele, has reportedly discovered his soulmate who, in a jaw-dropping twist of fate, is also s…
“Ohh, I guess mirrors are woke now too?” claims conservative POC
AUSTIN, TX – In a very expected turn of events, local conservative person of colour Amol Khan has voiced outrage over what he perceives as yet another example of liberal indoctrination: wok…
Hate Crime Alert: White friend just made your cultural dish and it tastes amazing
SURREY, BC – Shocking reports suggest that your token white friend just prepared your cultural dish and it tasted better than anything you’ve ever made, in what is being considered the worl…
“Fair Enough,” says boyfriend definitely listening
WHITBY, ON – “Fair Enough,” responded local boyfriend Shaun Wright, after noticing a pause in his girlfriend’s mumblings, which he assumed to be the end of her story. The exchange too…
“Drag Queen story time is basically grooming” says guy with intricate knowledge of every Age of Consent law
EDMONTON – Local data analyst Rolly Crowne, who is well known for his exhaustive knowledge about the various age of consent laws in different states, provinces, and countries, recently note…
“I’m really nervous about the November midterms” says Ontarian unaware of today’s election
BURLINGTON, ON – Local data engineer Chris Chen has spent weeks insisting to friends how worried he is about the upcoming US midterm elections, all without ever acknowledging the Ontario pr…
New immigrant assimilates into Canadian culture by moving to the US
TORONTO – Karim Dabi, a recent immigrant to Canada, became an inspiration to the local new immigrant community by achieving the Canadian dream of landing a role at a tech startup in Austin,…
Local man’s targeted ads getting sadder by the day
OTTAWA – 32 year old Bradley Chad reports noticing that his targeted ads are getting sadder and unfortunately more accurate by the day. “I know way too much about all the latest breakthroug…
Inspiring!! Man finally takes 45 seconds to unsubscribe from a 10 year old mailing list
“I did it!!, I finally did it!!” exclaimed local man Chimothee Talamet, as he finally took 45 seconds out of his day of a cushy white collar job and playing video games to unsubscribe from his co…