Orlando, FL – Disney’s Splash Mountain has lost its official designation of the 4th most racist mountain in America after the company unveiled plans to re-theme the attraction this week. “F…
Oops! JK Rowling’s new children’s book has a 60-page TERF manifesto in the middle
LONDON, UK – Harry Potter author JK Rowling has come under fire after her new children’s book The Ickabog was published online with a novella-length TERF manifesto in the middle. “It was we…
Jeff Bezos on track to become first man to steal a trillion dollars from his employees
MEDINA, WA – A new report suggests that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos could become the first man on earth to successfully steal a trillion dollars from his employees. “Tim Cook, Elon Musk, the …
But if you take away my assault weapons, I’m just a regular man with hundreds of small guns
By Bobby Stonehouse Not-my-Prime-Minister Justin Trudeau announced last week that Canada would be banning assault weapons, and I, for one, am P’d the F OFF. By doing this, JUSTIN has robbed me of…
Saskatchewan reopens just as local woman finishes disastrous DIY haircut
SASKATOON – The government of Saskatchewan declared the province officially reopened for business today, moments after resident Ilana Shaw finished giving herself the worst haircut of all t…
EDITORIAL: Here’s how I boil my mail to protect myself from COVID-19
by an Anonymous Billionaire In these trying times, it’s important to take some extra precautions to protect yourself from COVID-19 – even if those precautions seem a bit “kooky” or “not bas…
2020’s hottest workout trend: listless pacing
The world may have stopped in the face of COVID-19, but your fitness journey doesn’t have to! 2020’s hottest health trend is here, and it’s called listless pacing. Wait, WTF is LP? Think pacing, …
Disney World employee just now realizing he forgot to put food down for Goofy before he locked up
ORLANDO, FL – A Disney World employee is in hot water after realizing he locked up for quarantine without leaving food down for Goofy. “Bob (Chapek, fmr. Director of Disney Parks) had creat…
Democratic primary candidates find common ground in being high risk for coronavirus
WASHINGTON – The two remaining frontrunners in the Democratic primary may have very different platforms and policies, but they can agree on at least one thing: if they were to contract coro…
Quarantined man celebrates St Patrick’s Day by doing keg stand alone in his living room
KINGSTON – As cities around the world cancel their St. Patrick’s day festivities over coronavirus concerns, one Queen’s University student was determined to stick to his initial plans respo…