VANCOUVER – A cascading series of errors in Vancouver’s diffusors has resulted in a thick, seemingly permanent sandalwood fog settling over the city. “The whole city smells like that bath s…
Starship from old ‘flying through space’ screensaver finally reaches destination
THE INTERNET – Fans of classic screensavers were privy to a very special sight today as the starship that has been live-streaming its journey in the form of the starfield/warp screensaver a…
Local fly is certain THIS window is the way out
LIVING ROOM – A local fly is convinced that after numerous false starts and window collisions, he’s finally figured out how to get back outside. “I’m feeling really good about this window,”…
Quantum scientists discover that the more hair elastics you buy, the fewer you have access to
GENEVA – If you’ve ever wondered why, no matter how many you buy, you can never find a hair elastic when you need one, the scientists at CERN have finally discovered the problem: the act of…
Millionaire condo owner regrets insisting on different entrance for social housing after installation of guillotine
VANCOUVER – Now that a large guillotine has been erected in front of the West End tower that contains his $2.4 million condo, investment banker Wesley Sanderson wants everyone to know how d…
Studio pulls Mission: Impossible – Fallout from theatres after realizing it has the same female character as the last one
LOS ANGELES – Paramount Pictures is pulling the latest Mission: Impossible sequel from theatres and promising refunds for advanced ticket sales after concluding it was antithetical to the s…
Local woman changes position after man calls her a bitch online
CALGARY – It’s been a long, hard process of soul searching and self-reflection, but local internet user Grace Marsh isn’t complaining as she undertakes a complete overhaul of her opinions a…
You’ll never believe how this millionaire who has access to the best healthcare in human history stays so young looking
LOS ANGELES – Everyone wants to know how actress, heiress and noted WOFPSWF (woman over forty people still wanna fuck) Simone Star maintains her youthful appearance, and finally her secret …
Murder mystery dinner theatre ends in real death for 4th night in a row
VICTORIA – While audiences are marveling at the realism on display during the current production of ‘Whomdunit, A Mystery in Three Courses’ at the Waterfront Theatre and Bistro, authorities…
Local woman wishes she’d bought more of these pants
VICTORIA – Local pants-wearer Bedelia Katz is furious with herself for not buying more of these pants when she had the chance. “These are the best pants I’ve ever owned,” Katz said. “They’r…
